How many staff did you have......  Speed Limits! not where I live!

Back in a D3

Did have: RRS TDV8 2008.5MY
Did have: Q7 3.0TDi S-Line/Tech/Comms pack
Did Have: Disco3 HSE

My daughter has been working on her letter to Santa listing all of the pressies she wants.

I told her that when I was her age I thought I was lucky if I got an apple and an orange for Christmas.

She said "Wow Dad, I would love a computer And a phone !"  RRS TDv8 HSE Rimini
Disco 4 TDv6 HSE Ipanema
Defender 90, 200tdi CSW

Recession Joke

An Israeli doctor says, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.'

A German doctor says 'That is nothing! We can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.'

A Russian doctor says, 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.'

An American doctor from Texas, not to be outdone, says, 'You guys are way behind. We recently took a man with no brains out of Texas, put him in the White House for eight years, and now half the country is looking for work.' Malaysia Boleh!
4.2SC Chawton White, Stormers
Tasmod's Sills, Wind Deflectors, LR Sills
Clear Side Repeaters, Towbar
Larini Sports Exhaust, K&N Air Filter
______________________________
WINNER - 2008 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award
WINNER - 2009 Outstanding Contribution
WINNER - 2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award

A husband is teaching his wife to play golf one day on a rather exclusive course in the Algarve. At the 17th T the wife completely slices her shot, the ball smashes through a window in a course side Villa with a loud crash. Both husband and wife are morified and as soon as they have finished their round they walk up to the damaged Villa to apologise.

The door is answered by a rather elderly chap. He shows them into the room with the smashed window, and opposite the window is also a smashed vase. Husband and wife offer their humble apologies and offer to pay for the damage.

To their surprise, the chap says, "Please don't apologise - I should be thanking you. You see I am actually a Genie and I have been trapped in that vase for 1,000 years. By smashing the vase you have freed me. So if you don't mind, I can grant you each a wish and I will have the third wish for myself.

The husband wishes for a villa beside every luxury golf course in the world. The Genie waves his hands and says "It is so - and I have added golf club life membership for you at each Club".

The wife then wishes for enough money to spend living a life of luxury at each of their new Villas. The Genie waves his hands and says "It is so - I have credited your bank account with $2m and added a long and healthy life for you both so you can enjoy it for a long time yet".

Husband and wife are delighted - but then the Genie asks for his wish. He says "I have been traped in the vase for 1,000 years and have not had sex for all that time. I wish your wife would allow me to have sex with her up stairs". Husband and wife look troubled as they discuss this request. But they finally decide that as the Genie has been so very very good to them, that they will grant him this wish.

So the Genie and the wife adjourne upstairs, where they quickly get down to business. The Genie is very very passionate and clearly really enjoys himself. When he is sated, he asks the wife how old she is. She replies that she is 35. To which he replies :






"Aren't you a bit too old to still believe in Genies !". RRS TDv8 HSE Rimini
Disco 4 TDv6 HSE Ipanema
Defender 90, 200tdi CSW

Back in the Swinging Sixties, Michael Caine is holding a big showbiz party in his swanky new house. Everyone who's anyone is there - top stars from the worlds of movies and music, fashion and art. There's marijuana, the best wines that money can buy, oysters, champagne, Lennon and McCartney are helping themselves at the bar, Jim Morrison and his band are sitting on the couch singing "Light My Fire", and over in the corner, George Peppard's getting very pally with Sophia Loren.
All's going really well, until Jim Morrison decides he's bored out of his skull, and wants to go home for an early night curled up with a good book.
"Oi, Jim," objects Michael Caine, "party's just got started. How's about I get one of 'the ladies' to take you into the spare bedroom for a bit of 'how's yer father?'"
"OK," nods Jim , "as long as she does the rest of the band, too." "Not a problem, Jim," smiles Michael, as he pulls a young dolly bird in close and whispers some instructions in her ear.
Half an hour later, the young lass is just wiping her chin, when in walks Ringo Starr from the Beatles.
"Alright, luv?" he drones, "don't suppose you fancy extending that service to me, do you?"
The young woman thinks about this for a second, then says "What the hell!" and proceeds to unzip Ringo's fly and get to work.
Ringo's having a grand time, until, mere moments before the end, the door flies open and Michael Caine bursts in. He grabs
the young girl by the back of the hair and slaps her hard across the face! "Wh-what was that for?" she whimpers.
"I told you," Caine snarls..... "You were only s'posed to blow the bloody Doors off..." 2005 TDV6 HSE Zermatt Silver Ebony Interior Sunroof, RSE, Side Steps
2002 Honda CBR600F4i plenty fast enough thank you !

 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up

Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

old but good

2 guys working in a field. The first one is digging holes, the second one is immediately filling them back in.

Dog walker stops when he see's this and asks why they are digging holes just to fill them in again.

One of them replies "Lazy b tard tree planter's had the day off." Current: I can't say...Oh the Shame!
Gone: 2003 Audi S4 - 340BHP of Fun
Gone: 2005 RRS SE, Silver, Chrome Mirrors, Tinted with a stupid spare wheel!
Gone: Audi A4 2.5 TDi Quattro 180bhp
Gone: BMW 535i
Gone: 1985 Audi Quattro
Gone: Subaru Imprezza Turbo (rubbish)

What sort of Bees make milk

































Boobies  Current: I can't say...Oh the Shame!
Gone: 2003 Audi S4 - 340BHP of Fun
Gone: 2005 RRS SE, Silver, Chrome Mirrors, Tinted with a stupid spare wheel!
Gone: Audi A4 2.5 TDi Quattro 180bhp
Gone: BMW 535i
Gone: 1985 Audi Quattro
Gone: Subaru Imprezza Turbo (rubbish)

FINANCIAL PLANNING

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the
family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly
father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his
fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful
woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

'I may look like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, 'but in just a few years,
my father will die, and I'll inherit £20 million.'

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later,
she became his stepmother!

Women are so much better at financial planning than men. Malaysia Boleh!
4.2SC Chawton White, Stormers
Tasmod's Sills, Wind Deflectors, LR Sills
Clear Side Repeaters, Towbar
Larini Sports Exhaust, K&N Air Filter
______________________________
WINNER - 2008 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award
WINNER - 2009 Outstanding Contribution
WINNER - 2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award

 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up

Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

Funny ad

http://cz.youtube.com/watch?v=hBsKsJLebMI RANGE ROVER, MORE THAN A CAR, LESS THAN A KITKAT

A group of children were trying very hard to become accustomed to Nursery.
The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!

You need to use 'Big People' words,' she was always reminding them.
She asked John what he had done over the weekend?
'I went to visit my Nana'.
No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER.
Use 'Big People' words!'

She then asked Mitchell what he had done
'I took a ride on a choo-choo'.
She said. 'No, you took a ride on a TRAIN.
You must remember to use 'Big People' words'.

She then asked little Alex what he had done?
'I read a book' he replied.
That's WONDERFUL!' the teacher said.

'What book did you read?'

Alex thought real hard about it,


then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said,









Winnie the '.

 Malaysia Boleh!
4.2SC Chawton White, Stormers
Tasmod's Sills, Wind Deflectors, LR Sills
Clear Side Repeaters, Towbar
Larini Sports Exhaust, K&N Air Filter
______________________________
WINNER - 2008 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award
WINNER - 2009 Outstanding Contribution
WINNER - 2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award

This got the whole of Sydney laughing. Read it and you'll see why! Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this. Many Sydney folks DID hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney .
The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called 'Mate Match'. The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers'yes',he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions. The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner with (phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize.

One particular game, however, several months ago made the Harbour City drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing you've heard yet.

Anyway, here's how it all went down:

DJ: 'Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?'

Contestant: (laughing) 'Yes, I have.'

DJ: 'Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if you win. What is your name? First only please.'

Contestant: 'Brian.'

DJ: 'Brian, are you married or what?'

Brian: (laughing nervously) 'Yes, I am married.'

DJ: 'Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please.'

Brian: 'Sara.'

DJ: 'Is Sara at work, Brian?'

Brian: 'She is gonna kill me.'

DJ: 'Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?'

Brian: (laughing) 'Yes, she's at work.'

DJ: 'Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?'

Brian: 'About 8 o'clock this morning.'

DJ: 'Atta boy, Brian.'

Brian: (laughing sheepishly) 'Well...'

DJ: 'Question #2 - How long did it last?'

Brian: 'About 10 minutes.'

DJ: 'Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake.'

Brian: 'Yeah, that trip sure would be nice.'

DJ: 'Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this morning?

Brian: (laughing hard) 'I, ummm, I, well...'

DJ: 'This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?'

Brian: 'Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us for couple of weeks...'

DJ: 'Uh huh...'

Brian: '...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time.'

DJ: 'Atta boy, Brian.'

Brian: 'On the kitchen table.'

DJ: 'Not that great?? That is more adventure than theprevious hundred times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and call her up.

[ 3 minutes of commercials follow. ]

DJ: 'Okay audience; let's call Sarah, shall we?'
(Touch tones.....ringing....)

Clerk: 'Kinkos.'

DJ: 'Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?'

Clerk: 'This is she.'

DJ: 'Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now.'

Sarah: (laughing) 'A couple of hours?'

DJ: 'Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any\answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo... do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?'

Sarah: 'No.'

DJ: 'Good!'

Brian: (laughing)

Sarah: (laughing) 'Brian, what the hell are you up to?'

Brian: (laughing) 'Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest.'

DJ: 'Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of youwill be off to the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.

Sarah: (laughing) 'Yes.'

DJ: 'All right. When did you last have sex, Sarah?'

Sarah: 'Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work.'

DJ: 'What time?'

Sarah: 'Around 8 this morning.'

DJ: 'Very good. Next question. How long did it last?'

Sarah: '12, 15 minutes maybe.'


DJ: 'Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?'

Sarah: (laughing) 'Yes.'

DJ: 'Where did you have it?'

Sarah: 'OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?'

Brian: 'Just tell him, honey.'

DJ: 'What is bothering you so much, Sarah?'

Sarah: 'Well...'

DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?

Sarah: 'Up the arse.....'

They had to call an ambulance for the DJ he thought he was going to have a heart attack , he could not stop laughing.
Apparantly there was an unusually high call out of the Sydney Police just after this conversation, for minor traffic collisions RRS TDV8 HSE 2007- JAVA Black/Black interior,
UK BMW M3 CSL SB- now sold
1968 Innocenti mini