RRSPORT.CO.UK

    Forum   Gallery   Shop   Sponsors
Home > Off Topic > JOKES
Post Reply  Down to end
Page 13 of 21 <123 ... 121314 ... 192021>
 
Olduser2



Member Since: 02 Mar 2008
Location: Old User
Posts: 115

I’ve been humming the tune all day Laughing

Post #178657 Fri Jul 18 2008 7:34pm
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
shmoogle



Member Since: 07 Sep 2005
Location: ... and for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!
Posts: 24350

United Kingdom 

Now that IS a classic! Even got a mention in The Office if I remember Thumbs Up 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up


Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

Post #178697 Fri Jul 18 2008 8:58pm
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Olduser2



Member Since: 02 Mar 2008
Location: Old User
Posts: 115

Whats in a name .....

A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone.

She approached him 'My name is Carmen,' she told him.

'That's a beautiful name,' he replied, 'Is it a family name?'

'No,' she replied. 'I gave it to myself. It reflects the thingsI like most - Cars and Men.'

'What's your name?' she asked.










He said, 'Oh me , Im B. J. Titsengolf' Shocked

Post #179015 Mon Jul 21 2008 4:37pm
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Bobby



Member Since: 07 Jun 2005
Location: Kuala Lumpur
Posts: 3781

Malaysia 2006 Range Rover Sport Supercharged Chawton White

Twelve Italian priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for
them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy,
beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie, and they were told
that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be
ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction.

She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests
until she got to the final priest, Carlos. Poor Carlos.

As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off,
clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage.

Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest. He
bent over to pick it up....


.......then all the other bells started to ring! Malaysia Boleh!
4.2SC Chawton White, Stormers
Tasmod's Sills, Wind Deflectors, LR Sills
Clear Side Repeaters, Towbar
Larini Sports Exhaust, K&N Air Filter
______________________________
WINNER - 2008 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award
WINNER - 2009 Outstanding Contribution
WINNER - 2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award

Post #179187 Wed Jul 23 2008 1:38am
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
JayMann



Member Since: 19 Jan 2006
Location: Stop acting like snob when you just won the Lotto!
Posts: 22898

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Buckingham Blue

You have just made it through your wedding ceremony and step out onto the church steps.
The photographer raises his camera.

Following your family tradition, both of you hold white doves which you will release together.

You and your new husband stand shoulder to shoulder with a dove in your hands as your friends and relatives eagerly wait.

The photographer gives the ready signal and you open your hands toward the sky.

Not a dry eye in the house, the camera flashes; the moment is saved for eternity....

(scroll down)


































Wedding Gown $2,500.
Photographer $2,000
Having 'the twins' pop out and say CHEESE in front of your family and friends...
PRICELESS!!!!!

Admin note: this post has had its images recovered from a money grabbing photo hosting site and reinstated Mr. Green  RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident


I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Post #179914 Fri Jul 25 2008 3:43pm
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
shmoogle



Member Since: 07 Sep 2005
Location: ... and for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!
Posts: 24350

United Kingdom 

Laughing 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up


Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

Post #179922 Fri Jul 25 2008 4:01pm
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Kaine



Member Since: 26 May 2006
Location: Hills of Shropshire
Posts: 8902

United Kingdom 

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter

Post #179925 Fri Jul 25 2008 4:05pm
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Olduser2



Member Since: 02 Mar 2008
Location: Old User
Posts: 115

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony.

On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call for me?" The man replies "No; what do you mean?" She says, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection it implies you called for me." Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within minutes a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him, "Did you call for me?" says the hairy man. "No; what do you mean?" says the newcomer. "You must be new," says the hairy man, "it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, "May I help you?" she says. The man yells, "Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee." "But sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities." The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 68 years old; I only get an erection once a month, but I fart 15 times a day! I'm outta here.

Post #182720 Wed Aug 13 2008 6:15am
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
shmoogle



Member Since: 07 Sep 2005
Location: ... and for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!
Posts: 24350

United Kingdom 

Laughing Laughing Laughing Thumbs Up 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up


Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

Post #182740 Wed Aug 13 2008 7:59am
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Olduser2



Member Since: 02 Mar 2008
Location: Old User
Posts: 115

The Amazing Scotsman'

A salesman drove into a small town where a circus was in progress. A sign read: 'Don't Miss The Amazing Scotsman'. The salesman bought a ticket and sat down. There, on centre stage, was a table with three walnuts on it. Standing next to it was an old Scotsman. Suddenly the old man lifted his kilt, whipped out
a huge willy and smashed all three walnuts with three mighty swings! The crowd erupted in applause as the elderly Scot was carried off on the shoulders of the crowd.

Ten years later the salesman visited the same little town and saw a faded sign for the same circus and the same sign 'Don't Miss The Amazing Scotsman'. He couldn't believe the old guy was still alive much less still doing his act! He bought a ticket. Again, the centre ring was illuminated. This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table. The Scotsman stood before them, then suddenly lifted his kilt and shattered the coconuts with three swings of his amazing member. The crowd went wild!

Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with him after the show.

'You're incredible!' he told the Scotsman. 'But I have to know something. You're older now, why switch from walnuts to coconuts? ''Well laddie,' said the Scot, 'Ma eyes are nae whit they used tae be

Post #184931 Mon Aug 25 2008 4:37pm
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
JayMann



Member Since: 19 Jan 2006
Location: Stop acting like snob when you just won the Lotto!
Posts: 22898

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Buckingham Blue

Laughing Laughing Laughing RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident


I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Post #184958 Mon Aug 25 2008 11:30pm
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Bobby



Member Since: 07 Jun 2005
Location: Kuala Lumpur
Posts: 3781

Malaysia 2006 Range Rover Sport Supercharged Chawton White

The Lizard and the Koala Bear

A koala is sitting up a gumtree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says "Hey Koala! What are you doing?"
The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints.

After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river. But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.

A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?"
The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"

So the koala looks down at him and says: "Faaaaarrrrk dude.......how much water did you drink?!!" Malaysia Boleh!
4.2SC Chawton White, Stormers
Tasmod's Sills, Wind Deflectors, LR Sills
Clear Side Repeaters, Towbar
Larini Sports Exhaust, K&N Air Filter
______________________________
WINNER - 2008 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award
WINNER - 2009 Outstanding Contribution
WINNER - 2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award

Post #184964 Mon Aug 25 2008 11:41pm
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
shmoogle



Member Since: 07 Sep 2005
Location: ... and for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!
Posts: 24350

United Kingdom 

Laughing Laughing Thumbs Up 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up


Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

Post #184983 Tue Aug 26 2008 8:59am
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
JayMann



Member Since: 19 Jan 2006
Location: Stop acting like snob when you just won the Lotto!
Posts: 22898

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Buckingham Blue

Laughing Laughing RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident


I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Post #185029 Tue Aug 26 2008 10:16am
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
accelle



Member Since: 22 Aug 2008
Location: broadway
Posts: 3

New Zealand 

можете вы сказать мне где востребовать свободно benifits
what does it mean?

Post #186905 Fri Sep 05 2008 5:50am
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Post Reply  Back to top
Page 13 of 21 <123 ... 121314 ... 192021>
All times are GMT

Jump to  
Previous Topic | Next Topic >
Posting Rules
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum



Site Copyright © 2005-2024 Futuranet Ltd & Martin Lewis
RRSPORT.CO.UK RSS Feed - All Forums

Switch to Mobile site