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WOODY179



Member Since: 30 Nov 2005
Location: Derbyshire
Posts: 162

United Kingdom 
Urgent Bulletin

Be on the lookout!

We recently received credible intelligence that there have been seven terrorists working in your office. Six of the seven have been apprehended. Bin Sleepin, Bin Loafin, Bin Goofin, Bin Lunchin, Bin Drinkin and BinButt-Kissin have all been taken into custody.

At this time, no one fitting the description of the seventh cell member, Bin Workin, has been found.

We are confident that anyone who looks like he's BinWorkin will be very easy to spot.

You are OBVIOUSLY not a suspect at this time. So keep on doing what you Bin Doin!

Post #136260 Tue Sep 04 2007 7:49pm
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pussy



Member Since: 22 Feb 2007
Location: uk
Posts: 1749

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

Post #136261 Tue Sep 04 2007 8:01pm
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Boobie-Man



Member Since: 03 Aug 2007
Location: Hot & Sunny Jamaica
Posts: 193

Jamaica 

Envoy fits der bill for der rest? Whistle

Post #136263 Tue Sep 04 2007 8:18pm
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Cliff H



Member Since: 03 Dec 2005
Location: uk
Posts: 3233

United Kingdom 

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Thumbs Up

Post #136275 Wed Sep 05 2007 7:06am
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NZHereIam



Member Since: 26 May 2007
Location: Wellington
Posts: 205

New Zealand 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Zermatt Silver

Press Release
International Rugby Board (IRB) Rugby World Cup 2007
Following complaints to the IRB about the All Blacks being allowed to motivate themselves by performing the ‘Haka’ before their games,
other nations were asked to suggest pre-match rituals of their own. The IRB Rugby World Cup 2007 Organizing Committee has now agreed
to the following pre-match displays:
1) The England team will chat about the weather, wave hankies in the air and attach bells to their ankles before moaning about
how they invented the game and gave it to the world, but no one appreciates them.
2) The Scotland team will chant “You lookin’ at me Jimmy?” before each of them smash a bottle of beer over their opponents’ heads.
3) The Ireland team will split into two, with the Southern half performing a Riverdance, while the Northerners march the Traditional
route from their dressing room to the pitch, via their opponents dressing room.
4) Unfortunately the Committee was unable to accept the Welsh proposal to form a choir and sing Tom Jones’ “It’s Not Unusual”.
5) Argentina will unexpectedly invade a small part of opposition territory, claim it as their own “Las In-Goals-Areas” and have to be
forcibly removed by the match stewards.
6) Two members of the South African team will claim to be more important than the other 13 whom they will imprison between
the posts. These two will then go about selecting the best parts of the pitch to settle on and claim that they have been there for centuries.
7) The Americans will not attend until almost full time. In future years they will amend the records to show that they were in fact
the most important team in the tournament and Hollywood will make a blockbuster fi lm called ‘Saving Flanker Ryan’.
Cool Five of the Canadian team will sing La Marseillaise and hold the rest of the team to ransom.
9) The Italian team will arrive in Armani gear, sexually harass the female offi cials and then prepare pasta dishes, which they will fl og
to the crowd for a fortune.
10) The Japanese will shock fans buy demonstrating how to capture a whale for scientifi c research buy harpooning an opposition prop.
11) The French won’t have a pre-match display and will simply hide in fear in the dressing room for the whole match.
12) The Australians will have a BBQ on their side of the fi eld and invite the opposition over before the game. The food and alcohol
will be in abundance and by the start of the game no-one will remember what they came to the stadium for. After some
streaking, the singing of dirty songs and the occasional chunder everyone will go home thoroughly convinced it was a bloody
good night.
13) The Moroccan team will quietly pray during the fi rst half and then launch suicide attacks against the opposition after the break.
Unfortunately, this strategy works well for the fi rst game only, after which Morocco is forced to withdraw from the Rugby World
Cup due to lack of players.
14) Samoa will prepare a huge feast in the middle of the pitch by digging a large hole and fi lling it with burning embers. They invite
the opposition over by saying, “We’d like to have you for dinner”. It’s only when the opposition get to the pit that they realize
there is no meat and that they are the dinner!
Hopefully, with these policies now in place, further problems is this area of the game should cease to exists.
Regards,
Syd Miller
IRB Chairman
THE INTERNATIONAL RUGBY BOARD
Huguenot House 35-38 St Stephen’s Green Dublin 2 Ireland
Tel: 00 353 1 240 9200 • FAX: 00 353 1 240 9201 If you dont live on the EDGE, you are taking up too much space!!!!!!!!!!!!!

06 RRS HSE ( in Wellington Dockyard, still waiting for release!!)
05 Jeep Cherokee LTD Edition

Post #136317 Wed Sep 05 2007 1:34pm
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JayMann



Member Since: 19 Jan 2006
Location: Stop acting like snob when you just won the Lotto!
Posts: 22898

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Buckingham Blue

That's not a joke it's a Censored story i can't even be bothered to read all that Laughing Thumbs Up Looks good tho Rolling with laughter RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident


I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Post #136319 Wed Sep 05 2007 1:38pm
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Boobie-Man



Member Since: 03 Aug 2007
Location: Hot & Sunny Jamaica
Posts: 193

Jamaica 

Rolling with laughter Thumbs Up

Post #136339 Wed Sep 05 2007 5:56pm
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Bobby



Member Since: 07 Jun 2005
Location: Kuala Lumpur
Posts: 3781

Malaysia 2006 Range Rover Sport Supercharged Chawton White

A new inmate checked into the local asylum. He seemed quite happy. In fact, he was laughing uproariously.

"Nearest kin?" asked the examining physician.

"Twin brother," responded the follow. "We were identical twins. Couldn't tell us apart. In school, he'd throw a spitball and the teacher would blame me. Once he was arrested for speeding and the police fined me. I had a girl; he ran off with her."

"Then why are you laughing?"

"'Cause I got even with him last week."

"What happened?"

"I died and they buried him!" Malaysia Boleh!
4.2SC Chawton White, Stormers
Tasmod's Sills, Wind Deflectors, LR Sills
Clear Side Repeaters, Towbar
Larini Sports Exhaust, K&N Air Filter
______________________________
WINNER - 2008 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award
WINNER - 2009 Outstanding Contribution
WINNER - 2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award

Post #136378 Wed Sep 05 2007 11:21pm
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Cliff H



Member Since: 03 Dec 2005
Location: uk
Posts: 3233

United Kingdom 

double-entendres
These are 12 remarkable double-entendres first aired on British TV & radio:

1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator: "And this is Gregoria from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"


2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator: "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."


3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator: "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."


4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977: "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew."


5. US PGA Commentator: "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ..... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"


6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."


7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did the weatherman have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!


8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday."


9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."


10. Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."


11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."


12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it himself."

Post #136524 Fri Sep 07 2007 2:29pm
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aljo



Member Since: 13 Jun 2006
Location: West Sussex
Posts: 3243

United Kingdom 2011 Range Rover Sport 3.0 TDV6 HSE Santorini Black

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Thumbs Up 

Post #136526 Fri Sep 07 2007 2:38pm
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Boobie-Man



Member Since: 03 Aug 2007
Location: Hot & Sunny Jamaica
Posts: 193

Jamaica 

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Bow down

Post #136547 Fri Sep 07 2007 8:44pm
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Cliff H



Member Since: 03 Dec 2005
Location: uk
Posts: 3233

United Kingdom 

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a
stay of execution for a client who was due
to be hanged for murder at midnight.
His last day plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was
feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him
about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?'
'Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.......
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went
and poured himself a shot of whiskey
and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the
predictable sarcastic remarks
as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang.
The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright,
had been granted a last minute stay of execution after all.
Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go
upstairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her
husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
To which he whirled around and screamed,
'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'

Post #136577 Sat Sep 08 2007 11:13am
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pussy



Member Since: 22 Feb 2007
Location: uk
Posts: 1749

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Bow down

Post #136582 Sat Sep 08 2007 11:20am
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Boobie-Man



Member Since: 03 Aug 2007
Location: Hot & Sunny Jamaica
Posts: 193

Jamaica 

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Bow down

Post #136583 Sat Sep 08 2007 11:29am
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pussy



Member Since: 22 Feb 2007
Location: uk
Posts: 1749

Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this. Many Sydney folks did hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney. The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called “Mate Match“.

The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers “yes”, he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions. The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner with phone number for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize.

One particular game, however, several months ago made the Harbour City drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing you’ve heard yet. Anyway, here’s how it all went down:

DJ: “Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of ‘Mate Match’?”

Contestant: (laughing) “Yes, I have.”

DJ: “Great! Then you know we’re giving away a trip to the Gold Coast if you win. What is your name? First only please.”

Contestant: “Brian.”

DJ: “Brian, are you married or what?”

Brian: (laughing nervously) “Yes, I am married.”

DJ: “Thank you. Now, what is your wife’s name? First only please.”

Brian: “Sara.”

DJ: “Is Sara at work, Brian?”

Brian: “She is gonna kill me.”

DJ: “Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?”

Brian: (laughing) “Yes, she’s at work.”

DJ: “Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?”

Brian: “About 8 o’clock this morning.”

DJ: “Atta boy, Brian.”

Brian: (laughing sheepishly) “Well…”

DJ: “Question #2 - How long did it last?”

Brian: “About 10 minutes.”

DJ: “Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn’t at stake.”

Brian: “Yeah, that trip sure would be nice.”

DJ: “Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o’clock
this morning?

Brian: (laughing hard) “I, ummm, I, well…”

DJ: “This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?”

Brian: “Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us for a couple of weeks…”

DJ: “Uh huh…”

Brian: “…and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time.”

DJ: “Atta boy, Brian.”

Brian: “On the kitchen table.”

DJ: “Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times I’ve done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get this wife’s work number and call her up. You listen to this.”

[3 minutes of commercials follow.]

DJ: “Okay audience; let’s call Sarah, shall we?” (Touch tones…..ringing….)

Clerk: “Kinkos.”

DJ: “Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?”

Clerk: “This is she.”

DJ: “Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and I’ve been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now.”

Sarah: (laughing) “A couple of hours?”

DJ: “Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any answers away or you’ll lose. Sooooooo… do you know the rules of ‘Mate Match’?”

Sarah: “No.”

DJ: “Good!”

Brian: (laughing)

Sarah: (laughing) “Brian, what the hell are you up to?”

Brian: (laughing) “Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest.”

DJ: “Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your answers match Brian’s answers, then the both of you will be off to the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.”

Sarah: (laughing) “Yes.”

DJ: “Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?”

Sarah: “Oh God, Brian….uh, this morning before Brian went to work.”

DJ: “What time?”

Sarah: “Around 8 this morning.”

DJ: “Very good. Next question. How long did it last?”

Sarah: “12, 15 minutes maybe.”

DJ: “Hmmmm. That’s close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his manhood. We’ve got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?”

Sarah: (laughing) “Yes.”

DJ: “Where did you have it?”

Sarah: “OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn’t tell them that did you?”

Brian: “Just tell him, honey.”

DJ: “What is bothering you so much, Sarah?”

Sarah: “Well…”

DJ: Come on Sarah…..where did you have it?

Sarah: “Up the a$$…”

After a long pause, the DJ said, “Folks, we need to take a station break”

And the drivers of Sydney almost crashed their cars laughing!

Post #136592 Sat Sep 08 2007 12:21pm
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