JayMann
Member Since: 19 Jan 2006
Location: Stop acting like snob when you just won the Lotto!
Posts: 22898
 
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A retired Italian wine maker went to the village church to make his
confession for the first time in many decades. When the priest slid open
the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father, during World War
II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from
the enemy. I hid her in my attic." The priest replied, "That was a
wonderful thing you did, my son! You have no need to confess it."
"It's worse than that, Father," he continued. "She quickly started to
repay me with sexual favours." "People in wartime sometimes act in ways
they wouldn't under normal conditions. If you are truly sorry for your
actions, you are forgiven."
"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. May I ask a
question?" "What, my son?"
"She is pretty old now, should I tell her the war is over?" RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!
WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident
I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)
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Sun Nov 25 2007 9:14pm |
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Geo
Member Since: 14 Oct 2007
Location: Lothian
Posts: 14
 
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A man met a beautiful woman and decided he wanted to marry her straight away. "But we don't know anything about each other" she said. He said that was okay, they would learn about each other as they went along. so she agreed and they were married and they went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.
One morning, they were lazing aroung the pool, when he got up, climbed the 10m board and did a perfect 2 and half tucks, follwoed by 3 rotations in jack knife position, straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstations he came back and laid down on the towel.
"That was incredible" she said. to which he replied "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about ourselves as we went along." So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about 30 laps she climbed out, and laid down on her towel hardly out of breath. "That was incredible!" the man said "Don't tell me. You were an Olympic distance swimmer" "No" she said, "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal".
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Wed Nov 28 2007 6:48pm |
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Geo
Member Since: 14 Oct 2007
Location: Lothian
Posts: 14
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The 11th Husband....
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to 'Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin'.
'What?' said the puzzled groom. 'How can that be if you've been married ten times.?'
'Well, husband # 1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
'Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.
'Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
'Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
'Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.
'Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
'Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
'Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.
'Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
'Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was........ God I miss him.
' But now that I've married you, I'm so excited'.
'Wonderful', said the husband, 'but why?
'Your with the 'GOVERNMENT'..
This time I KNOW I'M gonna get SCREWED.'
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Wed Nov 28 2007 7:00pm |
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