RRSPORT.CO.UK

    Forum   Gallery   Shop   Sponsors
Home > Off Topic > JOKES
Post Reply  Down to end
Page 9 of 21 <123 ... 8910 ... 192021>
 
Olduser2



Member Since: 02 Mar 2008
Location: Old User
Posts: 115

Too High

The Urinals Are Too High

A group of 2nd, 3rd and 4th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack (Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon), but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boy's up one by one holding onto their 'wee wees' to direct the flow.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, 'You must be in the 4th grade.'



'No, ma'am, he replied, 'I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race'.

Post #173365 Thu Jun 19 2008 5:51am
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
shmoogle



Member Since: 07 Sep 2005
Location: ... and for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!
Posts: 24350

United Kingdom 

Laughing Laughing Laughing 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up


Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

Post #173375 Thu Jun 19 2008 7:18am
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Supertrotter



Member Since: 10 Mar 2006
Location: Brrrr.... guess where :o(
Posts: 9905

United Kingdom 

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Thumbs Up Runner up - 2009 Best Avatar Award Sad
Joint runner up - 2009 Outstanding Contribution Award Sad
WINNER - 2008 ‘Best Thread’ Award – Beautiful Women Of The World Very Happy
Runner Up - 2008 Comedian Of The Year Award Sad
Runner Up - 2008’s Funniest Incident Sad


06 RRS TDV6 HSE, Java/Ebony, PTI, Running Boards, Privacy, S/C Grille/Vents, Stormers, Tasmods - GONE - Surprised(

Post #173385 Thu Jun 19 2008 7:43am
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
TB



Member Since: 19 Feb 2006
Location: Depends who wants to know . . .
Posts: 5927

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 SE Arctic Frost

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. Just after getting into bed the woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in there already.

After a little while the little boy says, 'Dark in here.'

The man, who obviously got a real fright not expecting to hear anything let alone from a little boy says, 'Yes, it is.'

Boy - 'I have a football.'

Man - 'That's nice.'

Boy - 'Want to buy it?'

Man - 'No, thanks.'

Boy - 'My dad's outside.'

Man - 'OK, how much?'

Boy - '£250'

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.

Boy - 'Dark in here.'

Man - 'Yes, it is.'

Boy - 'I have football boots.'

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'Ok how much this time ?'

Boy - '£350'

Man - 'Sold.'

A few days later, the boys' father says to the boy, 'Grab your boots and football, let's go outside and have a game of soccer.

The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my ball and boots.'

The father asks, 'How much did you sell them for?'

Boy - 'To a friend of mine for £600.'

The father says, 'That's a terrible thing overcharging your friend like that. That's four times what they cost when they were new, I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your terrible sin.'

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, 'Dark in here'.

The priest says, 'Don't start that s Censored t again you little Censored , you're in my f Censored cupboard now'!! Arctic Frost TDV6 SE. Aspen Leather, Cherry Wood, Privacy Glass, PTI, Tow Pack, Mudflaps, Tasmods, a new Fuelflap, a RRSport.co.uk umbrella in the boot & a RRSport.co.uk sticker on the rear glass.
__________________

Some people accuse me of thinking the world revolves around me, but I'm not stupid . . . I know it revolves around the sun. Which shines out of my @rse!!!

Post #173548 Thu Jun 19 2008 5:51pm
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
JayMann



Member Since: 19 Jan 2006
Location: Stop acting like snob when you just won the Lotto!
Posts: 22898

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Buckingham Blue

Old but a good one Laughing Laughing Thumbs Up RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident


I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Post #173550 Thu Jun 19 2008 6:06pm
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
will_wonka



Member Since: 03 Mar 2007
Location: Tminus 12 months for the RS Sport Supercharged!!
Posts: 3377

United Kingdom 

A blond was rollerblading with her headphones on. she stopped in the hair salon and asked for a hair cut. she instructed that the hair stylist could not take off the headphones.

the stylist replied "no" so the blond left. she went to a different hair salon and said the same thing. the stylist replied "ok".

after a while, the blond fell asleep in the chair. the stylist took off the headphones and the blonde died on the spot. confused at what happened, the stylist put on the headphones. they were saying, "breath in, breath out" L322 Big Daddy SUPERCHARGED 5.0 Autobiography - Here & Now!

5 series for the miles Smile

RRS S/C factory built HST - Gone

45 others have been and gone!

Post #173560 Thu Jun 19 2008 7:04pm
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
JayMann



Member Since: 19 Jan 2006
Location: Stop acting like snob when you just won the Lotto!
Posts: 22898

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Buckingham Blue

Laughing RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident


I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Post #173564 Thu Jun 19 2008 7:13pm
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Supertrotter



Member Since: 10 Mar 2006
Location: Brrrr.... guess where :o(
Posts: 9905

United Kingdom 

TB - Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Thumbs Up Runner up - 2009 Best Avatar Award Sad
Joint runner up - 2009 Outstanding Contribution Award Sad
WINNER - 2008 ‘Best Thread’ Award – Beautiful Women Of The World Very Happy
Runner Up - 2008 Comedian Of The Year Award Sad
Runner Up - 2008’s Funniest Incident Sad


06 RRS TDV6 HSE, Java/Ebony, PTI, Running Boards, Privacy, S/C Grille/Vents, Stormers, Tasmods - GONE - Surprised(

Post #173595 Fri Jun 20 2008 5:04am
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
MDP



Member Since: 14 Jun 2005
Location: Back in an AUDI
Posts: 8598

United Kingdom 
Three Brazilian Soldiers !

Three Brazilian Soldiers


Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."


"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"


His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.


Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
 
" WITH MORE EXTRAS THAN A HOLLYWOOD EPIC "

Post #173652 Fri Jun 20 2008 9:35am
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
shmoogle



Member Since: 07 Sep 2005
Location: ... and for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!
Posts: 24350

United Kingdom 

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Thumbs Up 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up


Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

Post #173653 Fri Jun 20 2008 9:36am
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Supertrotter



Member Since: 10 Mar 2006
Location: Brrrr.... guess where :o(
Posts: 9905

United Kingdom 

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Thumbs Up Runner up - 2009 Best Avatar Award Sad
Joint runner up - 2009 Outstanding Contribution Award Sad
WINNER - 2008 ‘Best Thread’ Award – Beautiful Women Of The World Very Happy
Runner Up - 2008 Comedian Of The Year Award Sad
Runner Up - 2008’s Funniest Incident Sad


06 RRS TDV6 HSE, Java/Ebony, PTI, Running Boards, Privacy, S/C Grille/Vents, Stormers, Tasmods - GONE - Surprised(

Post #173666 Fri Jun 20 2008 10:38am
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
JayMann



Member Since: 19 Jan 2006
Location: Stop acting like snob when you just won the Lotto!
Posts: 22898

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Buckingham Blue

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Thumbs Up RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident


I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Post #173670 Fri Jun 20 2008 10:41am
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
will_wonka



Member Since: 03 Mar 2007
Location: Tminus 12 months for the RS Sport Supercharged!!
Posts: 3377

United Kingdom 

A husband emerged from the bathroom naked
and was climbing into bed when his wife
complained, as usual,
'I have a headache.'

'Perfect,' her husband said.' I was just in the
bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin.

You can take it orally, or
as a suppository, it's up to you.' L322 Big Daddy SUPERCHARGED 5.0 Autobiography - Here & Now!

5 series for the miles Smile

RRS S/C factory built HST - Gone

45 others have been and gone!

Post #173858 Sat Jun 21 2008 8:14pm
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Smarticus



Member Since: 26 May 2005
Location: Northumberland
Posts: 939

United Kingdom 2005 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Rimini Red

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really
know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the
definition of each is listed below:

' GUTS ' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, 'are
you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?'

' BALLS ' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling
of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square
on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!'

I hope this clears up any confusion, RRS TDv8 HSE Rimini
Disco 4 TDv6 HSE Ipanema
Defender 90, 200tdi CSW

Post #173907 Sun Jun 22 2008 11:28am
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
JayMann



Member Since: 19 Jan 2006
Location: Stop acting like snob when you just won the Lotto!
Posts: 22898

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Buckingham Blue

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident


I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Post #173908 Sun Jun 22 2008 12:25pm
View user's profile Send private message View poster's gallery Reply with quote
Post Reply  Back to top
Page 9 of 21 <123 ... 8910 ... 192021>
All times are GMT

Jump to  
Previous Topic | Next Topic >
Posting Rules
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum



Site Copyright © 2005-2025 Futuranet Ltd & Martin Lewis
RRSPORT.CO.UK RSS Feed - All Forums

Switch to Mobile site