In a hotel room, Jim Morrison is in one corner with the rest of his band; in another corner are John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison and Ringo Star - all are naked.

Monica Lewinsky walks in, squats seductively in front of Jim Morrison and begins to play the pink oboe. She gives him the presidential treatment then moves on to his guitarist, bassist, then his drummer and the keyboard player.

When she's finished, she licks her lips and wanders over to John Lennon and begins to do the same to him.
At that moment, there's a huge crash and Michael Caine smashes through a wall in a Mini-Cooper. He jumps out, grabs her by the scruff of the neck and shouts



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"Oi, you're only supposed to blow the bloody Doors off!""

 RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

A middle-aged husband and wife, both smartly dressed, were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later.

The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the hell was THAT??"

"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."

"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!"

"I can certainly understand that," her husband answers, "But remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Bentley and Range Rover in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours and I'll respect it."

Just then, a mutual friend of theirs’ enters the restaurant with a gorgeous woman on his arm.
"Who the hell is that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.

"That's Jim's mistress," says her husband.

"Hmmm…………….Ours is prettier," says the wife.

 RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo and He doesn't travel light,
the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the kerb

'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'would you please take your seat so we can leave?'

'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive at the Vatican,and I'd really like to drive today.'

'I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job!

And what if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

'There might be something extra in it for you,' says the Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel.

The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exitingthe airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.

'Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!' pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

'Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license,' moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches.
But the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.

'So bust him,' says the Chief.

'I don't think we want to do that - he's really important,' said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed, 'All the more reason!'

'No, I mean really important,' said the cop.

The Chief then asked, 'Who have you got there, the Mayor?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: 'Governor?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

'Well,' said the Chief, 'Who is it?'

Cop: 'I think it's God!'

Chief: 'What makes you think it's God?'

Cop: 'He's got the fu in' Pope as a chauffeur!'

A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun.
He shouts "this is a raid - everyone get on the floor!!", and proceeds
to empty the cash drawers.
As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off
his balaclava.
The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head and shouts.. "Did
anybody else here see my face?".
The robber notices another customer peering from behind a counter and
goes over and shoots him in the head also.

"Did anybody else see my face?" he shouts again, waving his gun around.
There is silence for a few seconds before an elderly male voice is heard
from a distant corner.. "I think my missus caught a glimpse...." 2005 Zambezi TDV6 - Gone but not forgotten
2009 Alaska TDV8 - Gone and much missed.



WINNER - 2009 �Idler Of The Year� Award
Runner Up - 2009 �Just Doing What It�s Designed To Do� Award


DO NOT CLICK HERE!

brilliant L322 Big Daddy SUPERCHARGED 5.0 Autobiography - Here & Now!

5 series for the miles

RRS S/C factory built HST - Gone

45 others have been and gone!

Medical tales:

An Israeli doctor said, 'Medicine in Israel is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.'

A German doctor said, 'That's nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of
one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.'

A Russian doctor said, 'In my country medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.'

The English doctor, not to be outdone, said, 'Hah!. We can take an arsehole out of Scotland, put him in 10 Downing Street and have half the country looking for work within twenty-four hours’. L322 Big Daddy SUPERCHARGED 5.0 Autobiography - Here & Now!

5 series for the miles

RRS S/C factory built HST - Gone

45 others have been and gone!

 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up

Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

Altogether now...aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

Click image to enlarge

 RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Fantastic  

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up

Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

A guy goes to the Council to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him 'Have you been in the armed services?'

Yes' he says 'I was in the Falklands for three years.'

The interviewer says 'That will give you extra points toward employment' and then asks 'Are you disabled in any way?'

The guy says 'Yes 100%... a land mine blew my testicles off.'

The interviewer tells the guy 'OK.I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 AM . to 4:00 PM . You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00AM .'

The guy is puzzled and says 'If the hours are from 8:00AM . to 4:00 PM why do you want me to come in at 10:00 AM? '

'This is a council job' the interviewer replies. 'For the first two hours we sit around scratching our balls...no point in you coming in for that........

This young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in a small town in West Texas. He sits at the counter and notices an older cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a bowl of chili. After about 15 minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asks, "If you ain't goin to eat that, mind if I do"?

The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner states "Nah, go ahead". Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a rotten dead rat in the chili. The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the chili into the bowl.

The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too".