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Kaine



Member Since: 27 May 2006
Location: Hills of Shropshire
Posts: 8902

United Kingdom 

Laughing

Post #151791 Tue Jan 15 2008 8:49pm
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shmoogle



Member Since: 07 Sep 2005
Location: ... and for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!
Posts: 24350

United Kingdom 

Laughing Laughing Thumbs Up 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up


Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

Post #151821 Wed Jan 16 2008 9:37am
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Andy



Member Since: 15 Oct 2005
Location: Shropshire
Posts: 1369

United Kingdom 

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken back because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???'

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.' 2002 Discovery Adventurer LE
1998 Freelander xedi
Ertl limited edition RRS model number 817

Post #152206 Sun Jan 20 2008 7:28pm
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will_wonka



Member Since: 03 Mar 2007
Location: Tminus 12 months for the RS Sport Supercharged!!
Posts: 3377

United Kingdom 

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing Thumbs Up L322 Big Daddy SUPERCHARGED 5.0 Autobiography - Here & Now!

5 series for the miles Smile

RRS S/C factory built HST - Gone

45 others have been and gone!

Post #152208 Sun Jan 20 2008 7:45pm
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will_wonka



Member Since: 03 Mar 2007
Location: Tminus 12 months for the RS Sport Supercharged!!
Posts: 3377

United Kingdom 

A penguin takes his car to a mechanic because there is a funny noise coming from under the bonnet.The penguin goes and buys himself an ice cream then goes back to the garage.

“Oh, hello,” says the mechanic, wiping his hands on a cloth.

“Hello,” replies the penguin. “Was it anything serious?”

“Not really, but it looks like you’ve blown a seal.”

“Oh no, no, no!” says the penguin, wiping his mouth. “It’s just ice cream.”

and

On a train from London to Manchester an American was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment,

“You English are too stiff. You set yourself apart too much. You think your stiff upper lips make you above the rest of us. Look at me… I’m me. I have Italian blood, French blood, a little Indian blood and some Swedish blood. What do you say to that?”

The Englishman replied,

“Very sporting of your mother.” L322 Big Daddy SUPERCHARGED 5.0 Autobiography - Here & Now!

5 series for the miles Smile

RRS S/C factory built HST - Gone

45 others have been and gone!

Post #152210 Sun Jan 20 2008 7:48pm
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Very Annoyed
Site Moderator


Member Since: 23 Aug 2005
Location: bat-wielding monkey-spanking tough-love zero-tolerance Euro-sceptic moderator - So just watch it!
Posts: 19459

United Kingdom 

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Bow down Bow down Thumbs Up 2005 Zambezi TDV6 - Gone but not forgotten
2009 Alaska TDV8 - Gone and much missed.



WINNER - 2009 �Idler Of The Year� Award
Runner Up - 2009 �Just Doing What It�s Designed To Do� Award


DO NOT CLICK HERE!

Post #152213 Sun Jan 20 2008 8:35pm
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JayMann



Member Since: 19 Jan 2006
Location: Stop acting like snob when you just won the Lotto!
Posts: 22898

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Buckingham Blue

A 7 year old boy and his 4 year old brother are upstairs in their bedroom.
"You know what?", says the 7 year old, "I think it's about time we started swearing."
The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
"When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to swear first, then you swear after me, ok?"
"Ok, Ok" the 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast.
"I'll have some of that Weetabix Censored !"
*SMACK*!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.
She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man????"
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but it won't be f*****g Weetabix!" RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident


I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Post #153236 Sun Jan 27 2008 6:36pm
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TB



Member Since: 19 Feb 2006
Location: Depends who wants to know . . .
Posts: 5927

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 SE Arctic Frost

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Arctic Frost TDV6 SE. Aspen Leather, Cherry Wood, Privacy Glass, PTI, Tow Pack, Mudflaps, Tasmods, a new Fuelflap, a RRSport.co.uk umbrella in the boot & a RRSport.co.uk sticker on the rear glass.
__________________

Some people accuse me of thinking the world revolves around me, but I'm not stupid . . . I know it revolves around the sun. Which shines out of my @rse!!!

Post #153238 Sun Jan 27 2008 6:56pm
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Kaine



Member Since: 27 May 2006
Location: Hills of Shropshire
Posts: 8902

United Kingdom 

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter

Post #153241 Sun Jan 27 2008 7:39pm
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Steve in germany



Member Since: 15 Nov 2007
Location: Bad Lippspringe Germany
Posts: 980

Germany 

Very good Laughing Laughing Speed Limits! not where I live!

Back in a D3

Did have: RRS TDV8 2008.5MY
Did have: Q7 3.0TDi S-Line/Tech/Comms pack
Did Have: Disco3 HSE

Post #153242 Sun Jan 27 2008 7:42pm
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shmoogle



Member Since: 07 Sep 2005
Location: ... and for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!
Posts: 24350

United Kingdom 

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter

I can see it now Laughing 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up


Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

Post #153303 Mon Jan 28 2008 1:27pm
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JayMann



Member Since: 19 Jan 2006
Location: Stop acting like snob when you just won the Lotto!
Posts: 22898

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Buckingham Blue

S i can see your boy's doing that Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident


I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Post #153351 Mon Jan 28 2008 3:16pm
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shmoogle



Member Since: 07 Sep 2005
Location: ... and for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!
Posts: 24350

United Kingdom 

Exactly... I overheard SJ1 in the bath playing with his toys going " Censored ! This is all crap!" - hope he doesn't say things like that at nursery Laughing Embarassed 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up


Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

Post #153372 Mon Jan 28 2008 3:49pm
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JayMann



Member Since: 19 Jan 2006
Location: Stop acting like snob when you just won the Lotto!
Posts: 22898

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Buckingham Blue

Not it's worse when he's with his pal's Laughing RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident


I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Post #153397 Mon Jan 28 2008 4:33pm
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MDP



Member Since: 15 Jun 2005
Location: Back in an AUDI
Posts: 8598

United Kingdom 
Scottish Humour

A Glaswegian walks into a pub, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees it's filled to the brim with £10 notes. He guesses there must be thousands of pounds in it. He approaches the barman and asks, "What's up with the jar?"

"Well, you pay £10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money."

The Glaswegian certainly isn't going to pass up this chance. "What are the three tests?"

"Pay first, those are the rules." says the barman.

So the man gives him the £10, and the barman drops it into the jar.

"OK," the barman says, here's what you need to do"...
1. You have to drink that entire gallon of pepper tequila... the whole thing, all at once... and you can't make a face while doing it.
2. There's a pit bull chained-up outside with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands
3. There's a 90-year-old woman upstairs who has never reached orgasm during intercourse. "You've gotta make things right for her."

The tough Glaswegian is stunned. "I know I paid my £10, but I'm not an idiot. I won't do it. You have to be bonkers to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then do those other things....

"It's up to you," says the barman, "but your money stays where it is."

As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?"

He grabs the gallon with both hands and downs it with a big slurp. Tears are streaming down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face.

Next, he staggers outside where the pit bull is chained-up, and soon all the people inside the bar hear a noisy, scuffle going on outside. They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pit bull yelping, and then... silence.

Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large bloody scratches all over his body.

"Now," he says, "where's the old woman with the sore tooth? 
" WITH MORE EXTRAS THAN A HOLLYWOOD EPIC "

Post #154834 Thu Feb 07 2008 12:00pm
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