An Scotsman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.

A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya
been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. " Well," says
the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I
did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop,
standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few
intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens,"
sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
__________________

A man goes to the Lucas Carton in Paris with his girlfriend and orders the 1928 Mouton.

The waiter returns with a bottle full of wine, pours a small amount in the glass for tasting.

The customer picks up the glass, smells the wine, and puts it down on the table with a thud.
'This is not the 1928 Mouton.'

The waiter assures him it is, and soon there are another twenty people surrounding the table including the chef and the manager trying to convince the man that the wine is the 1928 Mouton.

Someone then asks him how he knows that it is not the 1928 Mouton.

'My name is Phillipe de Rothschild, and I make the wine.'

Finally, the original waiter steps forward and admits that he poured the Clerc Milon 1928.
‘I could not bear to part with our last bottle of 1928 Mouton. You know Clerc Milon, it is in the same village as Mouton, you pick the grapes at the same time, the same cepage, you crush in the same way, you put them into similar barrels. You bottle at the same time, you even use eggs from the same chickens to fine them. The wines are the same, except for a small matter of geographic location.'

Rothschild beckons the waiter forward, and whispers to him, 'When you return home tonight, ask your girlfriend to remove her underwear. Put one finger in one opening, another finger in the other, then smell both the fingers. You will understand what a small distance in geographic location makes.’ Malaysia Boleh!
4.2SC Chawton White, Stormers
Tasmod's Sills, Wind Deflectors, LR Sills
Clear Side Repeaters, Towbar
Larini Sports Exhaust, K&N Air Filter
______________________________
WINNER - 2008 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award
WINNER - 2009 Outstanding Contribution
WINNER - 2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award

 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up

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A little girl asked her Mum, "Mum, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"

Mum replies, "No, dear, she's in heat."

What does that mean?" asked the child.

Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."

The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was in heat
and to come to you."

Dad said, "Bring Belle over here."

He took a rag, soaked it with petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent and said "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block."

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.

Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"

The little girl said, "She ran out of petrol about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home."

 RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

One for the women...

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be

so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain...

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!" Malaysia Boleh!
4.2SC Chawton White, Stormers
Tasmod's Sills, Wind Deflectors, LR Sills
Clear Side Repeaters, Towbar
Larini Sports Exhaust, K&N Air Filter
______________________________
WINNER - 2008 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award
WINNER - 2009 Outstanding Contribution
WINNER - 2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award

John and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft
mechanics at Aberdeen Airport .

One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with
nothing to do.

John said, 'Man, I wish we hid sommin to drink!'

Jim says, 'Me in a. Y'kaen, a've heard ye can drink jet fuel an get a
buzz.? Di ye wanna try it?'

So they poured themselves a couple of glasses of high octane jet fuel
hooch and got completely smashed.

The next morning John wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.

In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover!

NO bad side effects. Nothing!

Then the phone rings. It's Jim. Jim says, Hey, how ye feeling the day?'

John says, 'Smashing! Fit about you?'

Jim says, 'Brand spanking new! Got a hangover?'

John says , 'No that jet fuel is just the dogs ! -- nae
hangover, nethin. We shid dee this mair afen'

Jim says 'Aye, well there's jist the one thing.'

'Fit's at then?'

'Hiv yi farted yet?'

' Er, - No '

Well, DINNA, 'cause I'm in Fu**ing Norway ! If you dont live on the EDGE, you are taking up too much space!!!!!!!!!!!!!

06 RRS HSE ( in Wellington Dockyard, still waiting for release!!)
05 Jeep Cherokee LTD Edition

 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up

Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through Afghanistan
desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find
water, he hurried toward the object, only to find a little old Jew at a
small stand selling ties.

The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"

The Jew replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie?
They are only $5."

The Taliban shouted, "Idiot! I do not need an overpriced tie. I need
Water!
I should kill you, but I must find water first."

"OK," said the old Jew, "it does not matter that you do not want to buy
a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that.
If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will
find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need.
Shalom."

Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later he staggered back.

"Your f***ing brother won't let me in without a tie." If you dont live on the EDGE, you are taking up too much space!!!!!!!!!!!!!

06 RRS HSE ( in Wellington Dockyard, still waiting for release!!)
05 Jeep Cherokee LTD Edition

 RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

"That's nice", she thinks, "but I want more."

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited

 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up

Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

 08.5 RRS TDV6 HSE Java Black/Alpaga - Cold Climate Pack - Privacy Glass - Bluetooth - Sunroof - 20" wheels - Rubber Floor mats.
07 Mini Cooper Cabrio - Astro Black - Leather Recaro seats - Chili Pack - Chrome Pack - Chrono Pack - Extra Lights - JCW/K&N engine tuning - John Cooper edition.

Previous cars:
Mercedes C 270CDI - Opel Vectra GTS 2.2DTI - Volvo V40 1.9DTI - Mercedes C 220CDI