When you took off its' tartan coat it had fleas?

(think about it)

Last edited by ivery819 on Thu Aug 02 2007 1:15am. Edited 2 times in total

You're afraid of heights ?

Your astrologer warned you that it was not an auspicious day ?

You had to fill in 3 forms and pay a usage tax ?

You wanted to cool it as the camel was getting too attached to you ?

The authorities didn't want the camel benefiting from the disadvantaged ?

You couldn't separate the camel from it's noisy friends ?

The camel's rent wasn't due until next week ?

The camel had difficulty getting the Kleenex out of the box ?

Brian
I'm surprised you asked the question as I know you've heard it all before !

Question:
How do you tell the difference between a UK Police Officer, An Australian Police Officer and an American Police Officer?

Answer: Pose the following question:

"You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges.

You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?"

UK POLICE OFFICER'S Answer:


Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call for help?

Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, Do I get blamed when he falls over running away, knocks his head and kills himself?

If I shoot him, and lose the court case. Does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and will I lose my family home? .

----------------------------------------------------------------------

AUSTRALIAN OFFICERS Answer:


BANG!


----------------------------------------------------------------------


AMERICAN OFFICERS Answer:


BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!


BANG! BANG!


click....(sounds of reloading)


BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!


BANG! BANG!


click.


Daughter: "Nice grouping, Dad! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?’’

ivery819 wrote:

ENVOY was just stepping off the ladder when you got there ?

But i didnt need a ladder ...............................................  some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

ivery, policemen but how true  some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.

As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.

Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right
again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"

"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!" no regrets!
ONE LIFE LIVE IT.