Baloo has the same joke book as you pussy

 no regrets!
ONE LIFE LIVE IT.

Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked.

"Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee."

"Oh, that's awful!"

"You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry."

This fella takes his handicapped son down to the Pub for his first pint on his 18th birthday, sadly the boy is physically handicapped and only has a head.

So he walks into the pub with his son under his arm and puts him on the bar and asks the Barman for 2 pints. When the barman serves up the beers he holds the pint glass to his sons lips and says "well son, happy 18th and get this one down ya".
The boy takes his first drink and suddenly there is this horrible squelching noise and "POP" the boy grows a Torso from beneath his head, the regulars are in disbelief and everyone starts cheering, "Wow" says his father, get another mouthful of this and again another horrible squelching noise and "POP-POP" the boy grows 2 Arms from his new Torso. The regulars are going wild cheering and whooping and the father says "Wow" get another mouthful of this. The boy then grabs the rest of the pint with his new arms and downs the lot. You guessed it there is this horrible squelching noise again and "POP-POP" the boys grows 2 new legs from beneath his new Torso.

By this time the regulars are going mental cheering, shouting and whooping at the miracle they have witnessed, the boy is so excited he runs out of the Pub to tell everyone and *BANG* he's flattened by a Double-Decker Bus, everyone falls silent and then the barman who has watched the whole event unfold says "Well, he should have quit while he was still ahead".

This bloke goes to the Doctors and says "Doctor, my ar$e has been itching like mad for 2 weeks now and I can't stand it any longer, can you check it out for me". The Doctor says "right then, drop your kegs, bend over and lets take a look".
The Doctor is confused and gasps in disbelief, "Just hang on a second, I see something up there" he says, "wait till I get my magnifying glass and tweezers".
So on closer examination the doctor starts gently teasing the offending foreign body and says "I don't believe it, in over 35 years of practice I've never seen anything like this before, "Like what" says the Bloke, "It's a small piece of a lettuce leaf" says the Doctor.
To which the Bloke replies, "Ah don't worry about that, that's just the tip of the Iceberg".

A bear walked into a bar one hot summers day and asked the man behind the bar for a beer.

The bar tender told the bear that they don't serve bear's at this bar.

The bear said that he was tired and thirsty and not in a good mood so if he didn't get a beer he would eat one of his patrons.

The bartender refused so the bear ate this beautiful blond in the corner and walked back to the bar and said that if he didn't get a beer he'd eat another patron.

The bar tender told him that they never serve drug addicts in this bar.

The bear says "Drug addict?... What are you talking about?" The bartender says "That was a bar-bitch-you-ate. no regrets!
ONE LIFE LIVE IT.

 some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

Woman complaining to dentist: "It's so painful, I'll rather have a baby than have a tooth removed."

Dentist: "Make up your mind soon, I'll have to adjust the chair accordingly." Malaysia Boleh!
4.2SC Chawton White, Stormers
Tasmod's Sills, Wind Deflectors, LR Sills
Clear Side Repeaters, Towbar
Larini Sports Exhaust, K&N Air Filter
______________________________
WINNER - 2008 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award
WINNER - 2009 Outstanding Contribution
WINNER - 2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award

 no regrets!
ONE LIFE LIVE IT.

A kid walks into a doctor's surgery with an elephant on his head.

The doctor says to the kid, "I think I see your problem" to which the elephant says, "Too right - get this kid out from under me!"

 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up

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 some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

 RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

A farmer Gloucestershire has been struggling to grow any crops due to all this flooding so he decided to try growing crop of dildo's............all went well and he's got a great crop but now he can't get rid of the squatters!!