BRIAN'S DOG

Sesame Street Feast
Click Here

 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up

Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

 no regrets!
ONE LIFE LIVE IT.

This man is a shopkeeper and he has a grocery shop. Now his son is 14 years old and the shopkeeper decides it's time for his son to start learning the business and so takes him into his shop one morning and sits him behind the counter.

"Now watch how I do this" says the shopkeeper. "It's important for you to learn what the customer wants and see if you can also sell him something else on top which he probably needs but has forgotton to ask for. That way we can make some more money". At that moment a lady walks into the shop and asks for some washing up liquid. As she goes to pay the shopkeeper asks "Since you are buying the washing up liquid can I ask if you need any window cleaner as well?"

"Sure that would be good" says the lady and so she proceeds to buy a bottle of window cleaner as well.

After the customer has left, the shopkeeper asks his son if he thinks he's got the idea... He tells the son "See what I did, since the lady wanted washing liquid I thought she might need to clean her windows as well and so I sold her the window cleaner"

"That sounds easy" says the son, and so the shopkeeper steps aside and tells his son to serve the next customer. At that moment another lady walks into the shop, approaches the counter and asks for a box of tampons.

"Sure" says the son confidently, and then seemingly without hesitation asks "Would you like a bottle of window cleaner with that?" The lady thinks for a second, and then agrees to buy a bottle of window cleaner as well and leaves the shop having bought that too.

Afterwards the shopkeeper is a little confused and asks his son why it was that he thought of window cleaner as an upsell to the box of tampons.

"Well" says the son, "I figured that if she's on her period she won't be doing any shagging and so she'll probably have time to clean her windows..."

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.

First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade.

Realising his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the
fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.



Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps that pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both. What can he do?

Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything. He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.

He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South American Bees. As soon as he starts he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to do and throws them! into the lions cage because lions eat anything.

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to another lion and says "what's the food like here?"

The lions say: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees."

 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up

Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

AS A WOMAN PASSES HER DAUGHTER'S CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR, SHE HEARD A STRANGE BUZZING NOISE COMING FROM WITHIN. OPENING THE DOOR, SHE OBSERVED HER DAUGHTER GIVING HERSELF A REAL WORKOUT WITH A VIBRATOR.
SHOCKED, SHE ASKED: "WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING ?"
THE DAUGHTER REPLIED: "MOM, I'M THIRTY-FIVE YEARS OLD,UNMARRIED, AND THIS THING IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER GET TO A HUSBAND. PLEASE, GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE."
THE NEXT DAY, THE GIRL'S FATHER HEARD THE SAME BUZZ COMING FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CLOSED BEDROOM DOOR. UPON ENTERING THE ROOM, HE OBSERVED HIS DAUGHTER MAKING PASSIONATE LOVE TO HER VIBRATOR.
TO HIS QUERY AS TO WHAT SHE WAS DOING, THE DAUGHTER SAID: "DAD I'M THIRTY-FIVE, UNMARRIED, AND THIS THING IS ABOUT AS CLOSE AS I'LL EVER GET TO A HUSBAND. PLEASE, GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE."
A COUPLE OF DAYS LATER, THE WIFE CAME HOME FROM A SHOPPING TRIP, PLACED THE GROCERIES ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER AND HEARD THAT BUZZING NOISE COMING FROM, OF ALL PLACES, THE LIVING ROOM.
SHE ENTERED THAT AREA AND OBSERVED HER HUSBAND SITTING ON THE COUCH, DOWNING A COLD BEER, AND STARING AT THE TV.
THE VIBRATOR WAS NEXT TO HIM ON THE COUCH, BUZZING LIKE CRAZY !
THE WIFE ASKED: "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ?"

THE HUSBAND REPLIED: "I'M WATCHING FOOTBALL WITH MY SON-IN-LAW

Oh! And you flick a switch and he shuts up !

 some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

"You know what?" says the 7 year old, "I think it's about time we started swearing."

The 7 year old nods his head in approval. "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?"

"Ok" the 4 year old, agrees with enthusiasm.

The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast.

"Oh, sh *t mum, I guess I'll have some Coco Pops"

WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.

She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice," And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "but it won't be f**king Coco Pops" some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to
death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable,
when all of a sudden.......

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is sure of eet"

"Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee".

So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there,
in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon. There's raw bacon, dripping
with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon...every
imaginable kind of cured pig meat.

"Pepe, Pepe, we is saved. "Eees a bacon tree".

"Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the Desert don't forget"

"Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smeell like
bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree".

And with that ...Luis Races towards the tree. he gets to within 5
metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine
gun opens up,and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is
mortally wounded but. true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe
with his dying breath.

"Pepe...go back man, You was right ees not a bacon tree"

"Luis Luis mi amigo...what ees it?

"Pepe...ees not a bacon tree...

Ees

Ees

Ees







Ees

Eees a Ham Bush!

 no regrets!
ONE LIFE LIVE IT.