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Brian Mason



Member Since: 31 Aug 2006
Location: Lurking with intent!!!
Posts: 5326

United Kingdom 2012 Range Rover Sport SDV6 HSE Sumatra Black

Laughing Laughing Thumbs Up MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

Post #116446 Thu Jun 14 2007 11:44am
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Cliff H



Member Since: 03 Dec 2005
Location: uk
Posts: 3233

United Kingdom 

shmoogle wrote:
And YOU know what I'm talking about!! Rolling with laughter


I know that when it comes on I turn over. Wink

That sounds right for a certain other thing in life too Whistle

Post #116448 Thu Jun 14 2007 11:45am
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shmoogle



Member Since: 07 Sep 2005
Location: ... and for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!
Posts: 24350

United Kingdom 

Laughing Laughing Thumbs Up 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up


Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

Post #116457 Thu Jun 14 2007 11:51am
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JayMann



Member Since: 19 Jan 2006
Location: Stop acting like snob when you just won the Lotto!
Posts: 22898

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 HSE Buckingham Blue

What the smallest hotel in the world???



A fa**y you have to leave your bags outside!! RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident


I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Post #116522 Thu Jun 14 2007 4:56pm
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Cliff H



Member Since: 03 Dec 2005
Location: uk
Posts: 3233

United Kingdom 

Pain Divider,

A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to give birth. The doctor told them that he'd developed a new machine and asked if they'd like to try it. The machine would take some of the woman's pain away and give it to the father thereby easing the mothers burden.

The couple thought it was a good idea and agreed to give it a try. The Doctor set it on 10% to begin with, telling the man that 10% was still probably more pain than he had ever felt. The man was surprised at how little pain he was feeling and asked for it to be increased. The doctor turned it up to 20% with the same results. This trend continued until the machine was set at 100%.

After the delivery both mother and father felt fine. The wife was relieved at having an almost painless labour and the father was still amazed at how little pain was actually involved. Later, when they took the baby home, they found the postman dead on their doorstep.

Post #116768 Fri Jun 15 2007 8:27am
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Cliff H



Member Since: 03 Dec 2005
Location: uk
Posts: 3233

United Kingdom 

Love in a mental hospital

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just because someone does not love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have...

Jim and Edna were both Patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the Hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you are being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another that you have a sound mind. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

Post #116770 Fri Jun 15 2007 8:35am
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Brian Mason



Member Since: 31 Aug 2006
Location: Lurking with intent!!!
Posts: 5326

United Kingdom 2012 Range Rover Sport SDV6 HSE Sumatra Black

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Bow down MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

Post #116784 Fri Jun 15 2007 12:06pm
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ivery819



Member Since: 16 Jan 2007
Location: --
Posts: 1241

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Bow down

My late father used to say:
"A well intentioned Censored wit .........is still a Censored wit

Post #116797 Fri Jun 15 2007 1:22pm
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ENVOY



Member Since: 09 Nov 2006
Location: In the shit as usual
Posts: 5823

United Kingdom 2013 Range Rover Sport SDV6 Autobiography Arctic Frost

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Bow down some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

Post #116865 Fri Jun 15 2007 5:21pm
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Cliff H



Member Since: 03 Dec 2005
Location: uk
Posts: 3233

United Kingdom 

Shopping at Woolworths

A man was in a long queue at his local Woolworths.
As he got to the till he realised he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the till.
She asked, "What size Condoms?"

The customer replied that he didn't know.
She asked him to drop his trousers.
He did. She reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the Intercom, "One box of large condoms, Till 5."


The next man in the queue thought this was interesting, and like most of us, was up for a cheap thrill.
When he got up to the register, he told the cashier that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could have some brought to the till for him.
She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn't know.
She asked him to drop his trousers.
He did.

She gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said, "One box of Medium-sized condoms, Till 5"

A few customers back was a teenage boy.
He thought what he had seen was way too cool.
He had never had any type of sexual contact with a real live female, so he thought this was his chance.
When he got to the till he told Rosie he needed some condoms.

She asked him what size and he said he didn't know.

She asked him to drop his trousers and he did.

She reached over the counter, gave him a quick squeeze then picked up the intercom and said...



(scroll down)





















"Mop and bucket to Till 5"

Post #116885 Fri Jun 15 2007 6:23pm
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ENVOY



Member Since: 09 Nov 2006
Location: In the shit as usual
Posts: 5823

United Kingdom 2013 Range Rover Sport SDV6 Autobiography Arctic Frost

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Bow down Bow down


what was the lads name, Brian Whistle some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

Post #116891 Fri Jun 15 2007 6:40pm
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pussy



Member Since: 22 Feb 2007
Location: uk
Posts: 1749

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Bow down no regrets!
ONE LIFE LIVE IT.

Post #116896 Fri Jun 15 2007 6:48pm
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Brian Mason



Member Since: 31 Aug 2006
Location: Lurking with intent!!!
Posts: 5326

United Kingdom 2012 Range Rover Sport SDV6 HSE Sumatra Black

Dont laugh.., that was ME!! Embarassed Big Cry MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

Post #116916 Fri Jun 15 2007 7:08pm
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ENVOY



Member Since: 09 Nov 2006
Location: In the shit as usual
Posts: 5823

United Kingdom 2013 Range Rover Sport SDV6 Autobiography Arctic Frost

An elderly gentleman(rrsjo) walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening
with a beautiful young girl at his side.
He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweller produced a selection of rings all priced at $5,000.
The old man(rrsjo) said, "No, I'd like to see something special."

The jeweller then brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at just
$40,000" the jeweller said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with
excitement. The old man(rrsjo) seeing her reaction said, "We'll take it."

The jeweller asked how he would like to pay and the old man(rrsjo) said "by cheque
and I know you'll need to clear the cheque so I'll write it now
and call back on Monday afternoon to pick up the ring".

Monday morning, the jeweller phoned the old man(rrsjo). "There's no money in that
account."

"I know," said the old man(rrsjo), "But let me tell you about the weekend i had!

Wink Whistle some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

Post #117017 Sat Jun 16 2007 9:34am
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Cliff H



Member Since: 03 Dec 2005
Location: uk
Posts: 3233

United Kingdom 

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter

Post #117028 Sat Jun 16 2007 11:41am
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