Cheers Aljo

glad he is doing well, brave little mite.  no regrets!
ONE LIFE LIVE IT.

An elderly Italian man, who lived on the outskirts of Monte Casino, went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said: "Father ... During World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did! You have no need to confess that."

"It's worse than that, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors."

The priest said: "By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to act that way. But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I do have one more question."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?"

Cliff H
That's great news.
Good luck with the next op.

Cliff: Good news mate.., hope the progress continues in a positive manner!  MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

Not For Chuck Norris Fans

Don't Click Here.

Remember "Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. "

The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don''t sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. "I''m sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don''t have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.

"Do you have the container it comes in?"

"Yes!" says the blonde, "I will go and get it."

She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."

The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container















"To apply, push up bottom."

 MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

 some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

TEST THE GREY MATTER

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it’s important that we keep mentally alert. They saying “If you do not use it, you will loose it,” also applies to the brain, so… Below is a very special private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. Take the following test and determine if you are losing it or are still with it. OK, relax, clear your mind- hide the answers with a piece of paper as you go and… begin.


1. What do you put in a toaster?
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Answer: “bread.” If you said “toast,” then give up now and go do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, “bread,” go to Question 2.


2. Say “silk” five times….. Now spell “silk.”… What do cows drink?
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Answer: Cows drink water. If you said “milk,” please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself by reading something more appropriate, such as Children’s World.

If you said “water,” proceed to Question 3.


3. If a red house is made from red bricks, and a blue house is made from blue bricks, and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
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Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said “green bricks,” what the devil are you still doing reading these questions??? If you said “glass,” then go on to Question 4.


4. Twenty years ago, a plane was flying 20,000 feet over Germany. If you recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany. Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines failed. The pilot, realizing that the last reaming engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the third engine fails before he has time to attempt and emergency landing, and the plane crashes smack in the middle of “no man’s land” between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? in East Germany or West Germany or in “no man’s land”?
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Answer: You don’t, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If you said, “Don’t bury the survivors,” proceed to the next question.


5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60 of a degree every minute how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?
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Answer: One degree. If you said, “360 degrees” or anything other than “one degree,” you are to be congratulated for getting this far, but you are obviously out of your league. Turn in your pencil, and exit the room.

EVERYONE ELSE PROCEED TO THE FINAL QUESTION


6. Without using a calculator – You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the buss, and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmarthen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven.

What was the name of the bus driver?
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Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don’t you remember? It was YOU!! some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

 MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

Question ?
If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60 of a degree every minute
how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?
Answer
Answer: One degree.

I had a clock like that but I threw it out..........maybe I should have just changed the battery
maybe it was a 30 or 15 day clock

Last edited by ivery819 on Tue May 15 2007 10:28pm. Edited 1 time in total

im a thick northerner but i got them all ok  

You're also a thick northern liar aljo!!!  MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs