MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

How Did You Die?

Two women waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation. "How did you die?" the first woman asks the second.

"I froze to death," says the second.

"That's awful," says the first woman.

"How does it feel to freeze to death?"

"It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second woman. "You get the shakes and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?"

"I had a heart attack," says the first woman. "You see, I KNEW my husband was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found him alone, watching TV. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there, either. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died."

The second woman shakes her head. "That's so ironic," she says.

"What do you mean?" asks the first woman. "If you had ONLY stopped to LOOK in the FREEZER, we'd BOTH STILL BE ALIVE!" no regrets!
ONE LIFE LIVE IT.

Bit old, but still funny!  MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

va told it me  no regrets!
ONE LIFE LIVE IT.

pussy wrote:

va told it me

Blimey.., is it THAT old????  MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

hark,



can we hear the sound of stone chipping  no regrets!
ONE LIFE LIVE IT.

Tis a very confused pussy we find, methinks
so it be the wrong man that ye be tryin.
the man you need won't carve the sphinx
and his name's not Stone it's Brian.

Quick Divorce

A married couple are driving along the highway doing a steady fourty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband abruptly looks across at her, speaking in a clear voice, and says "Darling, I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."

The wife says nothing, keeping her eyes on the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45mph. The husband speaks again, saying this time: "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you."

Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55mph. He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he demands. Up to 60mph. "I want the car, too," he continues. 65 mph! "And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards, the boat, and our dog!"

The car slowly begins veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him a little nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there anything you want?"

At last the wife replies, in a quiet and controlled voice:

"No, I've got everything I need." she says.

"Oh, really?" he inquires, "So what exactly have you got?

Just before they slam into the wall at 75 mph, the wife turns to him and says:

"The airbag." no regrets!
ONE LIFE LIVE IT.

 MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

ivery819 wrote:

Tis a very confused pussy we find, methinks
so it be the wrong man that ye be tryin.
the man you need won't carve the sphinx
and his name's not Stone it's Brian.

You cheeky colonial fuc er!!!!  MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

Types of sex ......

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex..... This
kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and
you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex..... This
is when you have been with your partner for a short
time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere,
even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex..... This
is when you have been with your partner for a long
time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually
have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex..... This
is when you have been with your partner for too long.
When you pass each other in the hallway you both say
"SCREW YOU!"

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.....
Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the
Afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind of sex is called: Courtroom Sex..... This
is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She
takes you to court and screws you in front of
everyone.

And last, but not least,

The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security
Sex..... You get a little each month. But not enough
to live on.

 some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

 MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

 no regrets!
ONE LIFE LIVE IT.

Special Family
A guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about it with the owner.

"This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape.


"Well," says the seller, "it's pretty simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain. In
fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it." and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.


The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker. He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's ecstatic (being a Harley fan).


That night, he decides to ride the bike over to his girlfriend's parents' house. It's the first time he's going to meet them and figures it will make a big impression. When
the couple gets to the house, the girlfriend grabs her boyfriend's arm.


"Honey," she says, "I gotta tell you something about my parents before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."


"No problem," he says. And in they go.


The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the family room, another huge stack of dishes. Piled up the stairs, dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses his girlfriend. No one says a word. So he decides to reach over
and fondle her breasts. He looks at her parents, but still they keep quiet.


So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her naked, and they make love right on the dinner table. Still, no one says a word.


"Her Mom's kinda cute", he thinks. So he grabs his girlfriend's Mom and has his way with her right there on the dinner table. Again, total silence.


Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the boyfriend realizes it's starting to rain. He figures he'd better take care of the motorcycle, so he pulls the Vaseline from his
pocket.


Suddenly the father stands up and shouts: "All right, all right! I'll do the damn dishes." no regrets!
ONE LIFE LIVE IT.