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Cliff H



Member Since: 03 Dec 2005
Location: uk
Posts: 3233

United Kingdom 

The priest

A man enters a confessional and says to the Irish Priest, Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I've had sex with Fannie Green every week for the last month."

The priest tells the sinner,"You are forgiven. Go out and say three 'Hail Mary's'."

Soon, another man enters the confessional."Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months."

This time the priest asks, "Who is this Fannie Green?"
"A new woman in the neighbourhood," the sinner replies.
"Very well," says the priest. "Go and say ten 'Hail Mary's"

The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon when a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church. All the men's eyes fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down in front of the Altar. Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes. The priest and altar boy gasp as the woman sits down with her legs slightly spread apart, Sharon Stone-style.

The priest turns to the altar boy and whisperingly asks, is that Fannie Green?"
The altar boy replies, ..
"No Father, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes".

Post #104692 Mon Apr 23 2007 7:42pm
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ENVOY



Member Since: 09 Nov 2006
Location: In the shit as usual
Posts: 5823

United Kingdom 2013 Range Rover Sport SDV6 Autobiography Arctic Frost

Laughing Laughing Laughing some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

Post #104704 Mon Apr 23 2007 7:51pm
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pussy



Member Since: 22 Feb 2007
Location: uk
Posts: 1749

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Thumbs Up no regrets!
ONE LIFE LIVE IT.

Post #104705 Mon Apr 23 2007 7:52pm
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Brian Mason



Member Since: 31 Aug 2006
Location: Lurking with intent!!!
Posts: 5326

United Kingdom 2012 Range Rover Sport SDV6 HSE Sumatra Black

Laughing Laughing Bow down MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

Post #104708 Mon Apr 23 2007 7:55pm
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Cliff H



Member Since: 03 Dec 2005
Location: uk
Posts: 3233

United Kingdom 

Irish Diet

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. Doc advises: "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should Have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 POUNDS!

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"

The Irishman nodded..."I'll tell you though, by Jesuz, I t'aut I wasgoing to drop dead that 3rd day."

"From hunger, you mean?"

"No, from ****in' skippin'" the Irishman said..

Post #104716 Mon Apr 23 2007 8:05pm
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Brian Mason



Member Since: 31 Aug 2006
Location: Lurking with intent!!!
Posts: 5326

United Kingdom 2012 Range Rover Sport SDV6 HSE Sumatra Black

The usual daily gems from Cliff!! Laughing Thumbs Up MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

Post #104718 Mon Apr 23 2007 8:08pm
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Kaine



Member Since: 26 May 2006
Location: Hills of Shropshire
Posts: 8902

United Kingdom 

Laughing Laughing Laughing

Post #104720 Mon Apr 23 2007 8:10pm
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Cliff H



Member Since: 03 Dec 2005
Location: uk
Posts: 3233

United Kingdom 

Teenage pregnancy

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life." "Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, two retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You f*ck her again."

Post #104721 Mon Apr 23 2007 8:11pm
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Brian Mason



Member Since: 31 Aug 2006
Location: Lurking with intent!!!
Posts: 5326

United Kingdom 2012 Range Rover Sport SDV6 HSE Sumatra Black

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

Post #104726 Mon Apr 23 2007 8:14pm
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Kaine



Member Since: 26 May 2006
Location: Hills of Shropshire
Posts: 8902

United Kingdom 

Laughing Laughing

Post #104737 Mon Apr 23 2007 8:19pm
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TB



Member Since: 19 Feb 2006
Location: Depends who wants to know . . .
Posts: 5927

United Kingdom 2006 Range Rover Sport TDV6 SE Arctic Frost

Shocked Shocked Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Arctic Frost TDV6 SE. Aspen Leather, Cherry Wood, Privacy Glass, PTI, Tow Pack, Mudflaps, Tasmods, a new Fuelflap, a RRSport.co.uk umbrella in the boot & a RRSport.co.uk sticker on the rear glass.
__________________

Some people accuse me of thinking the world revolves around me, but I'm not stupid . . . I know it revolves around the sun. Which shines out of my @rse!!!

Post #104762 Mon Apr 23 2007 8:46pm
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ENVOY



Member Since: 09 Nov 2006
Location: In the shit as usual
Posts: 5823

United Kingdom 2013 Range Rover Sport SDV6 Autobiography Arctic Frost

Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter Rolling with laughter some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

Post #104763 Mon Apr 23 2007 8:48pm
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pussy



Member Since: 22 Feb 2007
Location: uk
Posts: 1749

an Irish girl is pregnant and her waters break.

she calls her mum

mam mam me wearters av browken!

mam replies


wear ar yar ringin frarm.


girl replies

from my f***y to me ankles. no regrets!
ONE LIFE LIVE IT.

Post #104767 Mon Apr 23 2007 8:53pm
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Brian Mason



Member Since: 31 Aug 2006
Location: Lurking with intent!!!
Posts: 5326

United Kingdom 2012 Range Rover Sport SDV6 HSE Sumatra Black

Laughing Laughing Laughing MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

Post #104768 Mon Apr 23 2007 8:55pm
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Very Annoyed
Site Moderator


Member Since: 23 Aug 2005
Location: bat-wielding monkey-spanking tough-love zero-tolerance Euro-sceptic moderator - So just watch it!
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United Kingdom 

CLICK HERE! 2005 Zambezi TDV6 - Gone but not forgotten
2009 Alaska TDV8 - Gone and much missed.



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Post #105012 Wed Apr 25 2007 3:03pm
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