SUITS

Paddy and Mick walking down a street in London. Paddy happens to look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye. The sign said "Suits £ 5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, Trousers £ 2.50 per pair".

Paddy says to his pal, " Mick, Look! We could buy a whole lot of dose, and when we get back to Ireland , we could make a bleeden fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the talking cause if they hear our accent, they might not be nice to us. I'll speak in my best English accent.' 'Roight y'are, Paddy, I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will.' says Mick.

They go in and Paddy says, "I'll take 50 suits at £ 5.00 each, 100 shirts at £ 2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at £ 2.50 each. I'll back up my truck and ....."

The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Ireland, aren't you?"
"Well...yes," says a surprised Paddy . "How der hell d' y' know dat?"

The owner says, "This is a dry cleaners."  
" WITH MORE EXTRAS THAN A HOLLYWOOD EPIC "

an oldie, but makes me laugh.....

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also travelling at the same speed as you. How do you safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?


Scroll down for answer...




































Answer:
Get off the children's Merry Go Round, you're !!!!

Good one! 

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I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Maria had just got married and, being a traditional Italian, she was
still a virgin.

On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was very
nervous. Her mother reassured her; "Don't worry, Maria, Tony's a good
man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you. Meanwhile, I'll be making
pasta."

So, up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and
exposed his hairy chest.

Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a
big hairy chest." "Don't worry, Maria," says the mother, "all good men
have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you." So, up she
went again.

When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his
hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!" "Don't worry! All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you." So, up she went again.

When she got there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was
missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, ,Tony's got a foot and a half!"

Her mama said "Stay here and stir the pasta."

 RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
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And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
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WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Did you hear that Guy Ritchie (husband of Madonna) just held a press conference regarding the adoption of the little orphan boy. Basically he said it would be the last time he lets Madonna out with his credit card to pick up a little black number! 2005 Zambezi TDV6 - Gone but not forgotten
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 RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
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And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
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WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

A man went into an urologist and told him he was having a problem, he was
unable to get his penis erect. The doctor checked him out then told him
that the muscles around the base of his penis were damaged from a previous
viral infection and that there was nothing he could actually do for
him. However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if he is
willing to take the risk. The treatment consisted of implanting muscle
tissues from an elephant's trunk into his penis. The man thought about it
a while. The thought of going through life without ever experiencing sex
again was just too much for him to bear. So, with the assurance that there
would be no cruelty to the elephant, the man decided to go for it.

A few weeks after the operation he was given the green light to
go and try out his newly renovated equipment.
As a result he planned a romantic evening with his girlfriend and took her
to one of the nicest restaurants in town. In the middle of dinner he felt
a strong stirring in his loins that continued to the point of being
extremely painful. To release the pressure he unzipped his fly and his
penis sprang out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll
and then returned to his trousers.

His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly grin on her face
said," That was incredible! Can you do it again?"
With tears in his eyes he replied, "I think I can, but I'm not sure if
another bread roll will fit up my arse! RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

that is one of the best I've heard in a while!

http://www.menarebetterthanwomen.com/

best website *evar*