MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

An ugly man walks into his local bar with a big grin on his face.

"What are you so happy about?" asks the bartender.
"Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man."You know, I live by the
railway. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to
the tracks, like in the movies. I, of course, went and cut her free and
took her back to my place.

"Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time! We made Love all
night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on
top, every position imaginable!"
"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky guy. Was she pretty?"
"Dunno... Never found the head." some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

 MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

A man goes to the doctors cos he's got a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants.

The doctor says "That looks awful, is it bothering you?"

The man replies "It sure is, it's driving me nuts!"

Top 10 Reasons E-mail Is Like a Penis

10. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off.

9. Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.

8. Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.

7. Many of those who don't have it would like to try it (e-mail envy).

6. It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.

5. In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.

4. If you don't apply the appropriate measures, it can spread viruses.

3. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.

2. We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.

1. If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.

Little Johnny was passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeked in and caught his folks in The Act.

Before his dad could even react, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?" Relieved that Johnny was not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, Daddy agreed.

Johnny hopped on and Daddy started going to town. Pretty soon Mommy started moaning and gasping.

Johnny cried out, "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ‘Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?’

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ‘God Almighty!’ shouted Mary and the teacher said, ‘Very good,’ and Mary fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ‘Who is our Lord and Savior?’ But, Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ‘Jesus Christ!’ shouted Mary and the teacher said, ‘Very good,’ and Mary fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question. ‘What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?’ And again, Johnny Jabbed her with the pin.

This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ‘If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!’

The Teacher fainted.

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive
double-pane energy-efficient kind.

Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was
complaining that the windows had been installed a whole year ago and I
hadn't paid for them yet.

Hellloooo? Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am
automatically stupid. So I told him just exactly what his fast-talking
sales guy had told ME last year... namely, that in just ONE YEAR these
windows would pay for themselves! Helllooooo"? (I told him). "It's
been a year"!

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just
hung up.... He hasn't called back, probably too embarrassed about
forgetting the guarantee they made me. Bet he won't underestimate a
blonde anymore. RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

Cliff= x 4 +
Jay=  MY12 SDV6 HSE Sumatra/Ebony/Piano/Sidesteps/Privacy/Overfinch Olympus/JLR DRLs

Jay and Cliff  some of my Previous cars
--------------------------------
P38 Range Rover Autobiography
RRS 2.7 HSE Silver
RRS TDV8 HSE silver
FFRR Vogue black
Disco3 HSE silver
RRS 2.7 HSE silver
RRS 3.0 HSE BALTI BLUE
______________________________
current vehicles
RRS 3.0 L494 Autobiography
Audi R8 V10 Spyder
AC Cobra
Landrover Defender 90
Landrover Defender 110
Suzuki Jimney

A little girl walks in to the lounge one Sunday morning while her Dad is reading the paper.

"Where does poo come from?" she asks.

The father feeling a little perturbed that his 5 year old daughter is already asking difficult questions thinks for a moment and says:

"Well you know we just ate breakfast?"

"Yes," answers the girl.

"Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bums when we go to the toilet, and that is poo."

The little girl looks horrified, and stares at him in stunned silence for a few seconds and asks:


























"And Tigger?"

Last edited by Cliff H on Fri Jun 22 2007 5:56am. Edited 1 time in total

Morris and his wife Esther went to the local air show every year,and every year Morris would say, "Esther,I'd like to ride in that helicopter"

Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is £50 quid. And £50 quid is £50 quid".

One year when Esther and Morris went to the air show, Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."Esther replied,"Morris you know that helicopter ride is £50 quid. And £50 quid is £50 quid".

The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's £50 quid." Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"

Morris replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know £50 quid is £50 quid.......!"

100 Years ago 20 white men chasing a young black guy were known as the Klue Klux Klan, Today it,s known as Formula 1 !

Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.

They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for the return trip,
the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. The two lads
objected strongly.

"Last year we shot six, and the pilot let us put them all on board; he
had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. However, even
with full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went
down.

A few moments after, climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick,

"Any idea where we are?"

"I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."