A fireman is polishing his fire engine outside the fire station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red cart with little ladders hung on the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The little girl is wearing a fireman's helmet and has the cart tied to a dog and a cat.

The fire-fighter walks over to take a closer look:"That's a lovely fire engine,' he says admiringly.

'Thanks,' says the little girl.

The fireman looks closer and notices the little girl has tied one of the cart's strings to the dog's collar and one to the cat's test!cles.

'Little colleague,' says the fire-fighter, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your fire engine, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could probably go a lot faster.'

The little girl pauses for a moment, looks at the wagon, at the dog and at the cat, then shyly looks into the fireman's eyes and says:

'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren, would I?'

 Arctic Frost TDV6 SE. Aspen Leather, Cherry Wood, Privacy Glass, PTI, Tow Pack, Mudflaps, Tasmods, a new Fuelflap, a RRSport.co.uk umbrella in the boot & a RRSport.co.uk sticker on the rear glass.
__________________

Some people accuse me of thinking the world revolves around me, but I'm not stupid . . . I know it revolves around the sun. Which shines out of my @rse!!!

 Runner up - 2009 Best Avatar Award
Joint runner up - 2009 Outstanding Contribution Award
WINNER - 2008 ‘Best Thread’ Award – Beautiful Women Of The World
Runner Up - 2008 Comedian Of The Year Award
Runner Up - 2008’s Funniest Incident

06 RRS TDV6 HSE, Java/Ebony, PTI, Running Boards, Privacy, S/C Grille/Vents, Stormers, Tasmods - GONE - (

This is a long read, but please, it's worth the time

"Dear Susan :

I know the counsellor said we shouldn't contact each other during our
"cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore
I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me
talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact.

In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I
guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of
things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking
bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us
does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And
this is what my heart says...

"There's no one like you, Susan." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of
every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks
ago, I met this girl at Ithaca Bar and brought her home with me. I don't say
this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She
was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and
maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect
body. Jugs you wouldn't believe and an ass like a tortoise shell. Every
man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I
thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so
superficial. What does a perfect body mean?

Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see what
I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better
heart than my moderately attractive Susan? I doubt it. And I'd never really
thought of that before. I Don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little.

Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yoghurt, I found
myself thinking, "why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her
flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some
****ing feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me.
It didn't feel the same because you weren't there, Susan, to watch. Do you
know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Susan, I'm just
going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met in Upper Side last year? Well,
she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagne. She said she figured I
wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant
till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of
wine and the next thing you know we're banging away in our old bedroom. And
this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you
know like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her
career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden she spots that
tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor
and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot,
but it makes me sad too. 'Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Susan
ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14
years, and we never used it as a sex aid."

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I
mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her
shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time.

She's given me lots of good counsel about you and about women in general.
She's pulling for us to get back together, Susan, She really is. So we're
drinking in a hot bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage
girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she
looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then
it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing and that gets me to
thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that
probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us.

But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's
cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, Susan. In your heart
you know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the
grievances and start fresh? I think we can.

If you feel the same please, please, please let me know, otherwise, can you
let me know where the remote control is.

John" Runner up - 2009 Best Avatar Award
Joint runner up - 2009 Outstanding Contribution Award
WINNER - 2008 ‘Best Thread’ Award – Beautiful Women Of The World
Runner Up - 2008 Comedian Of The Year Award
Runner Up - 2008’s Funniest Incident

06 RRS TDV6 HSE, Java/Ebony, PTI, Running Boards, Privacy, S/C Grille/Vents, Stormers, Tasmods - GONE - (

 Arctic Frost TDV6 SE. Aspen Leather, Cherry Wood, Privacy Glass, PTI, Tow Pack, Mudflaps, Tasmods, a new Fuelflap, a RRSport.co.uk umbrella in the boot & a RRSport.co.uk sticker on the rear glass.
__________________

Some people accuse me of thinking the world revolves around me, but I'm not stupid . . . I know it revolves around the sun. Which shines out of my @rse!!!

That is fantastic!! Might send it in for Terry Wogan to read out.  

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up

Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

shmoogle wrote:

That is fantastic!! Might send it in for Terry Wogan to read out.

Who?? I'm too young to listen to Radio 2.... Think before typing  Runner up - 2009 Best Avatar Award
Joint runner up - 2009 Outstanding Contribution Award
WINNER - 2008 ‘Best Thread’ Award – Beautiful Women Of The World
Runner Up - 2008 Comedian Of The Year Award
Runner Up - 2008’s Funniest Incident

06 RRS TDV6 HSE, Java/Ebony, PTI, Running Boards, Privacy, S/C Grille/Vents, Stormers, Tasmods - GONE - (

Now that would be funny .  Arctic Frost TDV6 SE. Aspen Leather, Cherry Wood, Privacy Glass, PTI, Tow Pack, Mudflaps, Tasmods, a new Fuelflap, a RRSport.co.uk umbrella in the boot & a RRSport.co.uk sticker on the rear glass.
__________________

Some people accuse me of thinking the world revolves around me, but I'm not stupid . . . I know it revolves around the sun. Which shines out of my @rse!!!

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how he's feeling. The 80-year-old says, "I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.
What do you think about that?"

The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid trophy hunter and never misses a season. One day, when he was going out hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water. He raised his cane and went 'bang, bang'. Suddenly, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?"

The 80-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly." Runner up - 2009 Best Avatar Award
Joint runner up - 2009 Outstanding Contribution Award
WINNER - 2008 ‘Best Thread’ Award – Beautiful Women Of The World
Runner Up - 2008 Comedian Of The Year Award
Runner Up - 2008’s Funniest Incident

06 RRS TDV6 HSE, Java/Ebony, PTI, Running Boards, Privacy, S/C Grille/Vents, Stormers, Tasmods - GONE - (

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy store and asks the salesperson, "How much is the Barbie on the display window?"

The salesperson answers, "Which one? We have:

Work out Barbie for £19.95
Shopping Barbie for £19.95
Beach Barbie for £19.95
Disco Barbie for £19.95
Divorced Barbie for £265.95

The amazed father asks: "What? Why is the Divorced Barbie £265.95 And the others only £19.95?"

The salesperson annoyingly answers: "Sir..., "Divorced Barbie comes with:

Ken's Car,
Ken's House,
Ken's Boat,
Ken's Furniture,
Ken's Computer and...
One of Ken's Friends. Runner up - 2009 Best Avatar Award
Joint runner up - 2009 Outstanding Contribution Award
WINNER - 2008 ‘Best Thread’ Award – Beautiful Women Of The World
Runner Up - 2008 Comedian Of The Year Award
Runner Up - 2008’s Funniest Incident

06 RRS TDV6 HSE, Java/Ebony, PTI, Running Boards, Privacy, S/C Grille/Vents, Stormers, Tasmods - GONE - (

 

2009 Outstanding Contribution Award - Joint Runner Up
2009 'Tech-Head Of The Year' Award - Runner Up

Like it here? Then Donate to RRSPORT!!

Work in an office? This'll liven things up a bit...

One point office dares:

1) Run one lap around the office at top speed.

2) Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other 'non-player' must be in the toilet at the time).

3) Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

4) Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."

5) To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.

6) When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!".

7) Leave your zip open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".

Walk sideways to the photocopier.

9) While riding in a lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

10) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

Three point office dares...

1) Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.

2) Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it".

3) Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).

4) Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).

5) Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

6) Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it "IN."

7) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

Don't use any punctuation

9) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

Five point office dares...

1) At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).

2) Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.

3) For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".

4) Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".

5) After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "the report's on your desk, Mon". Keep this up for one hour.

6) While an office mate is out, move their chair into the lift.

7) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, all of you just shut up!"

At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again".

9) In a colleague's diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights".

10) Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?".

11) Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now".

12) Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it".

13) Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.

14) Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig etc) during a very important conference call.

15) Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.

16) Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.

17) Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit, smash each biscuit with your fist.

1 During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.

19) Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts. Runner up - 2009 Best Avatar Award
Joint runner up - 2009 Outstanding Contribution Award
WINNER - 2008 ‘Best Thread’ Award – Beautiful Women Of The World
Runner Up - 2008 Comedian Of The Year Award
Runner Up - 2008’s Funniest Incident

06 RRS TDV6 HSE, Java/Ebony, PTI, Running Boards, Privacy, S/C Grille/Vents, Stormers, Tasmods - GONE - (

 RRS TDV6 Gone but still around
SL55 AMG
760Li Alpina
BMW 535D M Sport
BMW X6 XDrive35D
BMW 320D Coupe M Sport
And A Van For Rex!

WINNER - 2008's Idler Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Comedian Of The Year
WINNER - 2008's Funniest Incident

I love boobies i love boobies i love boobies cuz i'm a big kid now! (Come on everybody sing with me you know the words!)

A three-year-old little boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath....

"Mama," he asked, "Are these my brains?"

Mama answered, "Not yet." Arctic Frost TDV6 SE. Aspen Leather, Cherry Wood, Privacy Glass, PTI, Tow Pack, Mudflaps, Tasmods, a new Fuelflap, a RRSport.co.uk umbrella in the boot & a RRSport.co.uk sticker on the rear glass.
__________________

Some people accuse me of thinking the world revolves around me, but I'm not stupid . . . I know it revolves around the sun. Which shines out of my @rse!!!

ONE FOR THE 'GIRLS' (To the tune of: "I will survive")



At first I was afraid, I was petrified,
When you said you had 10 inches Lord I almost died,
But I'd spent oh so many yrs just waiting for a man that long,
That I grew strong,
And I knew I could take you on. .
But there you are,
Another lie,
I was ready for a big mac and you've bought me a French fry,
I should have known it was bullshit,
Just a sad pathetic dream,
Should have known there was no anaconda lurking in those jeans.
Go on now go,
Walk out the door,
Don't you promise me 10 inches then turn up with only 4,
Weren't you a prat to think that I wouldn't catch you out,
Don't you know we' re only joking when we say size
doesn't count. (Chorus)
I will survive, I will survive, Cos as long as I have batteries,
My pretty life's gonna thrive,
I will always have good pretty with a handful of latex,
I will survive, I will survive. . .hey hey

It took all my self control not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little weiner standing tall and proud,
But to hell with all your ego's and to hell with all your needs,
Now I'm saving all my lovin for a cordless multispeed,
Go on now go, Just make a dash,
Last time I saw a prick that small was watching Gladstone run nude hash,
I should have asked for confirmation,
Should have asked for referees,
Then I wouldn't have you waving that wee winky thing at me.
Go on now go, Just hit the track,
Don't you bring me home no tiddlers,
Cos I'll always throw them back,
The only thing that I could do with a prick as small as yours,
Is to stick it with a tooth pick Dip it in tomato sauce. (Chorus)

Go on now go, Get out of my sight,
I'm going back to my appliance,
Cos I know it's length is right,
And if I ever see your tiny tockley knocking at my door,
You'll be counting up your inches as you pick them off the floor.
Go on now Go! Arctic Frost TDV6 SE. Aspen Leather, Cherry Wood, Privacy Glass, PTI, Tow Pack, Mudflaps, Tasmods, a new Fuelflap, a RRSport.co.uk umbrella in the boot & a RRSport.co.uk sticker on the rear glass.
__________________

Some people accuse me of thinking the world revolves around me, but I'm not stupid . . . I know it revolves around the sun. Which shines out of my @rse!!!

......  Runner up - 2009 Best Avatar Award
Joint runner up - 2009 Outstanding Contribution Award
WINNER - 2008 ‘Best Thread’ Award – Beautiful Women Of The World
Runner Up - 2008 Comedian Of The Year Award
Runner Up - 2008’s Funniest Incident

06 RRS TDV6 HSE, Java/Ebony, PTI, Running Boards, Privacy, S/C Grille/Vents, Stormers, Tasmods - GONE - (