It's not often that I can get SWMBO on her knees, but the purchase of a cordless handheld vacuum cleaner seems to have done the trick.

After she watched me unpack the device with suspicion, I marvelled at it's lightness and all the accessories it came with. "Why have you got that?" she asked. "It's to capture the dust as I drill holes in the wall to mount your new mirror" I replied. "Well, if you getting your drill out, I need x,y & z putting up at the same time". I thought to myself, this was not in my plan for a relaxing evening.

It was time to up my game. If I was going to get dropped into a bunch of extra tasks, then SWMBO also had to get busy tonight or I had find a way out. "Er, it doesn't seem to turn on" I said as I fiddled with the switch. "Here, give it to me you dumb ass" was her casual reply. Now at this stage I should mention that I had left the little packing spacer on the trigger that prevents it from turning on while in the box. "I think it must be broken, I am going to send it back to Amazon" I explained as I passed it to her while deftly removing the spacer. "There's nothing wrong with this, you just need to push the button forward" she proclaimed as it sprang to life. "Well it didn't do that for me. I'll go and get my drill and you can see how well it sucks by trying to pick up the random dog biscuits around the kitchen".

5 mins later I'm back, drill in hand. I was slightly surprised to actually find her on her knees sucking up said dog food. "This works really good, look how much I've picked up". She had indeed managed to clean the whole of the kitchen floor, a task that normally escapes her (domestic goddess she is not!).

"Right, now you can get your jobs done while I open the wine. I want blah...blah...blah..put....blah....and...blah"

So off I go to drill the one hole I planned on doing without making a mess.

A quick replacement of the packing spacer and bingo, it won't turn on for me. "Honey, it's stopped working. I can't do all the other stuff without making a mess. She grabs it from me and tells me I'm a pathetic husband, but can't turn it on herself. After 10 mins, she gives up and tells me to send it back.

Job done, glass of wine in hand and a clean kitchen floor as a bonus. Wife suspicious, but glad the mirror is finally on the wall and not the hallway floor.



Tonight at dinner with the girls, we discussed the meaning of quid pro quo as American politics is always a hot topic in our house (SWMBO is an American and we're all nerver-trumpers). I explained that as I had done a job for Mom tonight, she had to return the favour.  Joe

Hopefully she will never find this thread Joe!  Kev

MY2014 L405 RR Vogue SE 4.4 SDV8 in Corris Grey
MY2010 L320 RRS HSE 3.0 TDV6 in Stornoway Grey

Maybe we need a new thread category: "Reader's Spouses" L405 P400e Autobiography (MY2020)... Silicon Silver / Espresso
RRS TDV6 HSE Lux (MY2011)... Nara Bronze / Arabica - now gone!

My wife bought me one of those last Christmas on the pretext of “it’ll help keep your car clean”. Well it doesn’t, it’s been sat on the side in the utility room and 11 months later my car is still filthy. 2019 5.0 SC SVA (Current)
2012 5.0 SC AB. Sadly written off by a campervan
23 plate Focus ST (Current)
1942 VEP Ford GPW Jeep (Willys) (Current)
1943 Whites M16 Halftrack (Current)
16 plate Eurofighter Typhoon, 2 x Eurojet engines with 20,000lbs thrust each. 1380mph