When one door closes, another opens. I wish I hadn't bought that IKEA wardrobe.
My Grandad was a keen fishermen and left me all his equipment in his will. I'm still reeling.
I didn't think my orthopedic shoes would work, but I stand corrected...
Our local chippie is going to start making deliveries by drone - Pie in the sky if you ask me!! Merc C220 estate Sport AMG
Merc C220 estate Sport AMG 125 year edition
Alfa GT
Rover 76 V6

Two builders go into the pub after a hard day's work. They're sat drinking for a while when a very smartly dressed man walks in and orders a drink. The two began to speculate about what the man did for a living.
"I'll bet he's an accountant." said the first builder.
"Looks more like a stockbroker to me." argued the second. They continued to debate the subject for a good while until eventually the first builder needed to use the toilet. On walking in, he saw the smartly dressed man standing at a urinal.
"Excuse me mate, but me and my friend have been arguing over what a smartly dressed fella like you does for a living?" the builder said to the man.
Smiling the man replied, "I'm a logical scientist."
"A what?" asked the builder.
"Let me explain" the man continued, "Do you have a goldfish at home?"
A bit puzzled, but intrigued the builder decided to play along, "Yes, I do as it happens."
"Well then it's logical to assume that you either keep it in a bowl or a pond. Which is it?"
"A pond" the builder replied.
"Well then it's logical to assume that you have a large garden." The builder nodded his agreement. So the man continued, "which means it's logical to assume you have a large house."
"I have a 6 bedroom house that I built myself." the builder said proudly.
"Given that you have such a large house, it's logical to assume that you are married..."
The builder nodded again, "Yes, I'm married and we have three children."
"Then it's logical to assume that you have a healthy sex life."
"Five nights a week!" the builder boasted.
The man smiled a little, "Therefore it's logical to assume you don't masturbate often."
"Never!" the builder exclaimed.
"Well there you have it" the man explained, "That's logical science at work. From finding out that you have a goldfish, I've discovered the size of your garden, all about your house, your family and your sex life!"
The builder left, very impressed by the man's talents. On returning to the bar the other builder asked, "I see that smart bloke was in there, did you find out what he does?"
"Yeah," replied the first, "He's a logical scientist."
"A what?" the puzzled second builder asked.
"Let me explain" the first builder continued, "Do you have a goldfish at home?"
"No" replied his mate.
"Well, you're a then!" Andy.
21 Ford Ranger
Gone but not forgotten
Focus RS Red Edition
2015 RRS AB Fuji.
2014 RRS SC Santorini
2016 VW Amarok
2014 RRS AB Fuji
2012 RRS Red Edition Fuji
2015 Nissan Navara
2012 RRS SE Santorini
2008 RRS White
2007 RRS Santorino

Is it too early?

Wow, did the world really run out of jokes in March?

Ooooo, never seen this thread before.....get ready  Steve.

HughN wrote:

A group of engineers from LR are in Japan visiting the Lexus factory, hoping to pick up some tips on quality control. The Lexus engineer tells them that they check the fit of the doors by locking a cat in a car overnight. If the cat has suffocated in the morning, they know that the doors are a good fit.

The LR engineers are impressed and decide to do the same when they get back to blighty. They lock a cat in a Defender and leave it.

In the morning the cat has gone...

 Steve.

For lonely French homosexuals?

(Two insults for the price of one!)

NSFW due to language

 Andy.
21 Ford Ranger
Gone but not forgotten
Focus RS Red Edition
2015 RRS AB Fuji.
2014 RRS SC Santorini
2016 VW Amarok
2014 RRS AB Fuji
2012 RRS Red Edition Fuji
2015 Nissan Navara
2012 RRS SE Santorini
2008 RRS White
2007 RRS Santorino

https://www.facebook.com/aufwpet/videos/701611739941889/ Andy.
21 Ford Ranger
Gone but not forgotten
Focus RS Red Edition
2015 RRS AB Fuji.
2014 RRS SC Santorini
2016 VW Amarok
2014 RRS AB Fuji
2012 RRS Red Edition Fuji
2015 Nissan Navara
2012 RRS SE Santorini
2008 RRS White
2007 RRS Santorino

https://www.facebook.com/aufwpet/videos/701611739941889/ Andy.
21 Ford Ranger
Gone but not forgotten
Focus RS Red Edition
2015 RRS AB Fuji.
2014 RRS SC Santorini
2016 VW Amarok
2014 RRS AB Fuji
2012 RRS Red Edition Fuji
2015 Nissan Navara
2012 RRS SE Santorini
2008 RRS White
2007 RRS Santorino

old dudes .....

An old Doberman starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost.
Wandering about, he notices a lion heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old Doberman thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep **** now!”
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the lion is about to leap, the old Doberman exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious lion! I wonder, if there are any more around here?”

Hearing this, the young lion halts his attack in mid-stride, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.
"Whew!," says the lion, "That was close! That old Doberman nearly had me!”
Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the lion. So, off he goes.
The squirrel soon catches up with the lion, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the lion.
The young lion is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!”
Now, the old Doberman sees the lion coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Doberman says……..
"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another lion!”

Moral of this story…
Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
Bull **** and brilliance only come with age and experience.
If you don't send this to two 'old' ******** right away, there will be two fewer people laughing in the world.
Of course, I am in no way insinuating that you are old, just 'youthfully challenged’. 2024 110 X Dynamic SE P400e
2019 Hse Dynamic Carpathian grey----gone
Mercedes GLE arrived, now also gone
2015 HSE dynamic Corris grey-gone