A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.
B: That's impossible. Whose baby?
A: An elephant's.

&feature=share Gone but not forgotten, 2005 RRS SC first edition, BMW 2010 Z4,TVR Tamora, TVR Cerb, MERC SL 55 AMG, E46 M3, Z4, Jag S type R, Skyline R33 GTR 640 bhp, Evo FQ 400, L322 RR, X5, Lotus Esprit V8 twin turbo, Lotus Elise 135r, Nissan Murano, Honda S2000, 911, Boxster s...and a few more

I will shortly be appearing on this TV programme as one of my is bigger than the other two !!

all I'll add to this currently is go look at sickipedia for offensive jokes.... Not knowing you good people on here too well I'll not post on here - yet!!

He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forward, then backwards, forward, then backwards again...... back and forth...
back and forth..... in and out..........

She could feel the sweat on her forehead, between her breasts and trickling down the small of her back.

She was getting near to the end.

Her heart was pounding..... Her face was flushed.....

Then she moaned, softly at first, and then began to groan louder.

Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted,

"Okay, Okay!!! I can’t park the car!!! You do it, you smug b*****d!!!"

Made me smile.......


 Leasky.

My mates wife asked what he was doing on the computer??

He told her he was looking for some cheap flights.

"I love you" she said.

Then she got all excited, un-zipped his trousers and gave him the most amazing BJ ever.....

Which was odd to be fair, because she has never shown an interest in darts before!!
Paul  Current fleet
2011 Discovery 3.0 sdv6 XS
2008 Range rover sport HST tdv8*gone*
2000 Porsche 911 Carrera 2 convertible
1996 TVR Chimaera*gone*
2004 Vauxhall combo van*dead*
2003 ford ranger double cab

And now, from Scotland - "I dreamed a dream".....

 Leasky.

http://www.tickld.com/x/boys-steal-speed-v...but-genius

A chap goes to the doctors cos he's covered in raffle tickets!

"Blinking flip!" Says the doctor, "That's the worst case of tombola I've ever seen!"

Bad day at twerk

This one always makes me laugh,

A local radio station is having a contest: the first person to call in with an English word the DJ has never heard of will win £1000.

So this guy calls in and when asked for the word, he says, "Goan...G-O-A-N…Goan."

The DJ thinks for a moment and says, "That’s not even a real word!"

"Sure it is," argues the caller.

"Well then use it in a sentence," says the DJ.

The caller replies "Goan f#ck yourself!"

The DJ quickly hangs up.

About 30 minutes and many calls later, no one has won the contest and the DJ answers yet another call.

When asked, the caller says, "Smee...S-M-E-E...Smee."

The DJ shakes his head and says, "I don't think that's real word. Can you please use that in a sentence caller?"

To which the caller responds, "It's Smee again......Goan f#ck yourself!" 2015 HSE SDV6 Scotia Grey, ebony / lunar, colour coded, deployable steps, TV, sliding pano and a few other bits. Now gone
2018 Velar R-Dynamic HSE sdv6 silicon silver

Ireland’s worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

just like that.

I ask the wife what she would do if i won the lottery, She said i would take half and leave you.I gave her half of the £10 win itisme

I once knew a dental nurse who loved giving blow jobs and smoking weed.
She was known as Oral High Jean.


Just had a parcel from Holland, when I opened it, it was a rubber fanny.
That's nice, I thought, 'Two lips from Amsterdam!’


My dad worked on the roadwork's for twenty years before he got fired for stealing!
At first I didn't believe it.... But when I got home all the signs were there.


A recent survey reported that three quarters of men don't know how to turn on the dish washer.
I find that licking her nipples and a light gentle fingering usually does the trick


My girlfriend says that a small penis won't affect our relationship.
Whether she's right or not, I'd prefer it if she didn't have one at all!


A woman is walking down the street and sees a sign in the pet shop window reading, "PUSSY-LICKING FROG £25"
... Curious the woman proceeds inside and says to the shop keeper, "I'd like to see the pussy-licking frog, please."

To which the shopkeeper replies, "Bonjour!" '08 RRS TDV8
I converted my diesel RRS to run on an environmentally friendly mixture of caribou fat and baby seals oil