LETTER OF COMPLAINT

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products.
She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.


Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features.
Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing,
and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your
revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be
aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's alittle F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't.
Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body.
Just a few minutes from now,my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with
knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during
your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and
about our intense mood swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control behaviour.You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.
In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just
because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants...
Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach
inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive
backing,were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you fu*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness -
actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable?
Well, did it, James?

FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack
yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed
with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more
sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer'or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are
you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits,
for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings,
I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull sh*t. And that's a promise I will keep.Always.


Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX Current, M135i in Estoril Blue with more extras than the cast of Ben Hur.

535d m-sport Platinum grey and a few extras.... Gone

X5 3.0 sd in Space Grey, 20's, Dynamic Pack, Memory Pack, Media Pack, Tow Pack, Rear DVD, Panoramic Sunroof, Steps, 7 Seat Pack, Reversing Camera with moving lines, programmable park heat, etc etc etc - Gone

Range Rover Sport Santorini, privacy, dvd, towpack GONE!!!

Typical female idiocy. Blow something tiny out of all proportion as a veiled excuse to wail at the world from a lofty and superior (albeit illusionary) position.

To cap it all off she also genuinely believes her contribution to the company is in fact "profit" as opposed to sales/revenue/income.

I want to view it as funny but, having been on the receiving end of this monthly war against nothing of any real significance I just feel sad that this perpetual angst is inflicted on men the world over ruining our otherwise happy lives and for what, because someone wished someone else a "Happy Period".

Pfft! WINNER - 2009 Best Newcomer Award
'09 TDV6 XS Stornaway Grey

'06 BMW 730 D SE (Gone)
'08 A4 TDi SLine Avant (Gone)
Large pack of Flake Cakes (Gone)
6 pack of Guiness (Gone)

TOTALLY agree Wozz!

It is a classic bit of "off the top shelf" ranting! Been through the receiving end of this too! Was a couple of grinworthy lines in it tho!

What can us blokes come up with to allow us the same leeway for an odd week!  Current, M135i in Estoril Blue with more extras than the cast of Ben Hur.

535d m-sport Platinum grey and a few extras.... Gone

X5 3.0 sd in Space Grey, 20's, Dynamic Pack, Memory Pack, Media Pack, Tow Pack, Rear DVD, Panoramic Sunroof, Steps, 7 Seat Pack, Reversing Camera with moving lines, programmable park heat, etc etc etc - Gone

Range Rover Sport Santorini, privacy, dvd, towpack GONE!!!

If we could be bothered we could come out in "sympathy" and have a phantom menstrual cycle which creates an excuse for us to respond in kind. Imagine the hilarity "How dare you move those shavings I carefully placed in the sink in a perfect circle tide mark, you stupid woman ...".

The only problem is - we're all just too easy going and, dare I say it, lazy, to be bothered with all that arguing nonsense. WINNER - 2009 Best Newcomer Award
'09 TDV6 XS Stornaway Grey

'06 BMW 730 D SE (Gone)
'08 A4 TDi SLine Avant (Gone)
Large pack of Flake Cakes (Gone)
6 pack of Guiness (Gone)

I thought the NTL Customer Complaint letter was one of the best of all times, i loved the way it started off

Dear Cretins ....

And as a long suffering NTL customer when i was back in blighty, i know exactly the hassle of dealing with them.. 3 days to lodge a fault ticket and another 10 days to get it fixed ...

If you have not seen it, it is a classic

http://www.thehumorarchives.com/joke/NTL_Complaint Another Pommie Bar Steward down under

MY20 Defender 110 SE P400 Eiger/Ebony
MY10 3.0 RRS TDv6 Fuji/Ebony/Anigre

Im sure that most of us at some time can sympathise with the next complainants letters.......

Subject: Genuine complaint to Leith Police station.

COMPLAINERS LETTER
Dear Sir/madam



automated telephone answering service


Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Leith
police station to pick up a telephone, I have decided to abandon the idea
and try e-mailing you instead. Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass
this message on to your colleagues in Leith by means of smoke signal,
carrier pigeon or ouji board.


As I'm writing this e-mail there are eleven failed medical
experiments (I think you call them youths) in West Cromwell Street, which
is just off Commercial Street in Leith. Six of them seem happy enough to
play a game which involves kicking a football against an iron gate with
the force of a meteorite. This causes an earth shattering CLANG! which
rings throughout the entire building. This game is now in it's third
week and, as I am unsure how the scoring sytem works, I have no idea if
it will end any time soon.


The remaining five walking abortions are happily rummaging through
several bags of rubbish and items of furniture that someone has so
thoughtfully dumped beside the wheelie bins. One of them has found a saw
and is setting about a discarded chair like a beaver on speed. I fear
that it's only a matter of time before they turn their limited attention
to the bottle of calor gas that is lying on it's side between the two
bins. If they could be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs
off, then I would happily leave them to it. I would even go so far as to
lend them the matches. Unfortuneatly they are far more likely to blow up
half the street with them and I've just finished decorating the
kitchen.


What I suggest is this : after replying to this e-mail with worthless
assurances that the matter is being looked into and will be dealt with,
why not leave it until the one night of the year (probably bath night)
when there are no mutants around, then drive up the street in a panda car
before doing a three point turn and disappearing again. This will of
course serve no other purpose than to remind us what policemen actually
look like.


I trust that when I take a clawhammer to the skull of one of these
throwbacks, you'll do me the same courtesy of giving me a four month head
start before coming to arrest me.


I remain sir, your obedient servant
?????????




POLICE REPLY



Mr ??????,



I have read your e-mail and understand you frustration at the
problems caused by youth playing in the area and the problems you have
encountered in trying to contact the police.


As the Community Beat Officer for your street, I would like to extend
an offer of discussing the matter fully with you.


Should you wish to discuss the matter, please provide contact details
address / telephone number) and when may be suitable.


Regards
PC ???
?????????????
Community Beat Officer



COMPLAINERS SECOND LETTER



Dear PC ?????


First of all, I would like to thank you for the speedy response to my
original e-mail. 16 hours and 38 minutes must be a personal record for
Leith Police station and rest assured that I will forward these details
to Norris McWhirter for inclusion in his next book.


Secondly, I was delighted to hear that our street has it's own
Community Beat Officer. May I be the first to congratulate you on your
covert skills. In the five or so years I have lived in West Cromwell
Street, I have never seen you. Do you hide up a tree or have you gone
deep undercover and infiltrated the gang itself? Are you the one with
the acne and the moustache on his forehead or the one with a chin like a
wash hand basin? It's surely it is only a matter of time before you are
headhunted by MI5.


Whilst I realise that there may be far more serious crimes taking
place in Leith, such as smoking in a public place or being Muslim without
due care and attention, is it too much to ask for a policeman to explain
(using words of no more than two syllables at a time) to these
that they might want to play their strange football game elsewhere. The
pitch behind the Citadel or the one at DKs are both within spitting
distance as is the bottom of the Albert Dock.


Should you wish to discuss these matters further you should feel free
to contact me on ??? ????. If after 25 minutes I have still failed to
answer, I'll buy you a large one in the Compass Bar.


Regards
???????


P.S If you think that this is sarcasm, think yourself lucky that you
don't work for the cleansing department. Current, M135i in Estoril Blue with more extras than the cast of Ben Hur.

535d m-sport Platinum grey and a few extras.... Gone

X5 3.0 sd in Space Grey, 20's, Dynamic Pack, Memory Pack, Media Pack, Tow Pack, Rear DVD, Panoramic Sunroof, Steps, 7 Seat Pack, Reversing Camera with moving lines, programmable park heat, etc etc etc - Gone

Range Rover Sport Santorini, privacy, dvd, towpack GONE!!!

But nothing against French ermegency-call we had to dial during our last holiday: It took us 15 minutes (!) to talk to somebody (we did not dial the police station but the French pendant to 911! )
I wish I would have had the humour to react as the guy from above. Luckily the policemen didn't press charges on me for defamation of a civil servant on duty which may be because they didn't understand what I was saying...  RRS TDV6 HSE, 2006, bonatti grey, ebony interior, rear diff, s/c grille and vents, stormers, privacy, tasmods, iphone integration

German emergency services

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSdxqIBfEAw

. '08 RRS TDV8
I converted my diesel RRS to run on an environmentally friendly mixture of caribou fat and baby seals oil

 2005 Zambezi TDV6 - Gone but not forgotten
2009 Alaska TDV8 - Gone and much missed.



WINNER - 2009 �Idler Of The Year� Award
Runner Up - 2009 �Just Doing What It�s Designed To Do� Award


DO NOT CLICK HERE!

 RRS TDV6 HSE, 2006, bonatti grey, ebony interior, rear diff, s/c grille and vents, stormers, privacy, tasmods, iphone integration