Two nuns cycling down a cobbled street.

The first one says "I've never come this way before"

The second one replies "Must be the cobbles"

Gates Of Heaven
It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere.

So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes.

So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge.

I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!" St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.

"Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.

"OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator ..." 

A soldier came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there, He asked her, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few minutes. I'll explain why later.

The nun agreed to his request. Shortly thereafter, two Military Policemen came running along and asked her if she had seen a soldier running down the road.

She replied, "He went that way".

After the MPs disappeared, the soldier Crawled out from under her skirt and said. "I can't thank you enough Sister, but you see I don't want to go to Iraq."

The nun said she understood.

The GI said, "I hope you don't think me rude or impertinent, but you have the most beautiful pair of legs I've ever seen!"

The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen the most beautiful pair of balls you've ever seen! I don't want to go to Iraq either!"

This nun died and went to heaven.

On arriving at the Pearly Gates, she was ushered into a waiting room. After about 5 minutes she heard a terrifying scream. St Peter popped in and said that it was only Sister Theresa getting a hole made in her head for her halo.

After another 5 minutes she then heard another agonising scream. Again St Peter popped in and told her that it was Sister Theresa getting the holes in her back for her wings.

“Sod this”, said the nun “I’m off down to the other place”!
“But you cant go down there, it’s all fornication and sodomy”, said St Peter.
“I know”, said the nun, “but I’ve already got the holes for that!”

all

As my aunt is a nun I find these all rather distasteful!

Thread locked! 2005 Zambezi TDV6 - Gone but not forgotten
2009 Alaska TDV8 - Gone and much missed.



WINNER - 2009 �Idler Of The Year� Award
Runner Up - 2009 �Just Doing What It�s Designed To Do� Award


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